Nerves or Too Much Caffeine

So I have not been sleeping well the past few nights. I have to wonder if it is all the caffeine I have been drinking to have energy at work, or if it is nerves. I feel like I have so much left to do for the wedding. I am not sure I am going to finish everything, but then again I wonder if it even matters. The point of the day is my marriage to John not the day being perfect.

My Heart Longs....

Every year around this time for the past few years my heart begins to wander. I go back to the summer of 2006 and the passion I had. I go back to Emory University Medical Center and see myself walking the halls and people looking at me for guidance. It was a hard, wonderful, and blessed time in my life. It was a time when my calling into hospital Chaplaincy was confirmed. I found pleasure in just stopping to talk with the staff, and help families find even a small sense of peace. Since than I have been told my calling was not real and my sense of confirmation that summer was wrong. You see if I had been more true to my calling and not done work in the church, where I was not called to, I might be where I longed. I might be doing my residency. I could be an ordained Chaplin even. This is the time of year where Hospitals in NC start interviewing candidates for residency in the chaplin program. I long to be one of them.

5!!!

So this week is a week of 5's for me.

1)I am down 5 pounds in 3 weeks! So proud that I am sticking to this. It has been hard and as I sit here typing I am waiting for John to come over for dinner and I am HUNGRY!

2) 5 weeks and 5 days until the Wedding! I am getting excited and stressed and a number of other feelings right now.

Tomorrow should be fun, my Bridal Shower. I will post pictures sometime in the next week. I am also looking forward to a wonderful weekend with my best friend from college who should be here in a few hours.

Small Victory

I have been very quiet about the process I have been going through the past few months. I applied and was accepted into a weight loss study that is being done at Duke. I was so excited as I went through the process of meetings, blood draws, and finally group selection. Than the hammer came down. I was selected for the control group which has no help loosing weight other than conventional means for two years. I still get to do the study and in two years I get the weight loss intervention. As I went through acceptance of this I asked many questions of the nurse and found out that I could do weight watchers, jenny craige, or a number of other weight loss programs.

I finally decided on Weight Watchers. I have done it before with a little success, but they came out with a new program. I started this program last week and I am already down 2.4 lbs. My goal is 15lbs before the wedding. I have 60 days to go so I am in hopes this goal is acheviable.

What I ask is for anyone who reads this to keep me motivated. I know I can do this and I can become a healthier person.

Two Months from Today

I am Two Months and counting it down. By this time two months from today I will be Mrs Kaisinger! I have been planing and planing this wedding and I am just about done. I could not be happier about this than I am right now.

However, If today is any indication of how the wedding will go I will pass out. Both of the dogs are sick and I had to take off work to take Rocky to the vet. NO sickness on my wedding day please.

Irene made me Productive

So living in North Carolina has it's downfalls.... Hurricanes. Yesterday after the third most crazy day of work ever at Thundershirt ( The 2 days before the 4th of July were worse)I went and got my dogs and headed to my parents. I wanted to make sure if anything happened with Irene that my mom had all the help she needs. She just had thyroid cancer removed last week and is very weak. So my only plan was to maybe clean and relax the Irene away.





What happened instead. I went to see my wedding flower mockup and well it is going to be amazing. John even loves them :). I cleaned my mom's house. Made decorations for my final cake class in the Wilton series. I will post picture tomorrow. I went shopping for things a woman wears under her wedding dress (aka a long line bra). Finally I finished shopping for my bridesmaids. I felt so very productive for a crazy windy day.

A Night of a Few of My Favorit Things

So Monday John and I decided to try out a new restaurant we found on restaurant.com. It is called Blue Note Grill. It was advertised as having Texas style BBQ, so we were both totally excited to try this out (John grew up from 2-11 years of age in the Houston area). Needless to say we were not let down about the Texas BBQ. I was literally licking my finger by the end of dinner. Oh Texas BBQ how I have missed you and love that I now have you back in my life.


When we got there a band was setting up. All I could think is sweet a little music with dinner. To my surprise it was a really good Jazz group. They did fun music the whole time and I totally love the whole experience. I also found out they have Jazz, Blues, and Big Band style music playing EVERY NIGHT!!!!! Needless to say I will be going back and will drag John with me.


When we got back to my house John and I turned on the TV to look for something to watch and he let me watch Hell's Kitchen for two hours. I am so in love with this wonderful man who will put up with my addiction to Hell's Kitchen. I just hope he can stand Grey's Anatomy.

Planning a Wedding in 4 Months!!!!

So After few weeks of real planning I have figured out one thing. I am CRAZY thinking I can plan a wedding in 4 months. Oh well I am doing it any ways. Everything John and I seem to be doing is about the wedding or is doubling as two things at once. The above picture was taken at my Caterers restaurant about 5 minutes before we met with her. We did a whole little engagement session with my mom at the place. It is cute and I totally wish it were not a hour and a half away from the church.


So my list of things I have done:
Got the Dress, shoes, head pieces, and accessories
Flowers
Caterer
Reception at a sweet local Art Gallery
Church and Pastor Tim
My girl's have their dresses ordered( Flower girl dresses are in)
Mom has her dress
Invitations (still need printing but I have them)
We have registered at 3 places
Ordered our wedding rings Tonight!! (we won them)
DJ
The Cake (I am taking the Wilton classes with my mom and we are making the cake)
Day of Coordinator (Thank You Miss Kay)
Music for the Wedding (I think!?!?!?)
Photographer
Emailed out Save the Dates


Wait maybe I am more organized than I thought. Oh well I still think I am CRAZY for planning a wedding in 4 months.

Life happens when you forget to Blog!

So I can never seem to get to my blog lately. So here are the Updates.

I got a full time job as customer service specialist and retail sales (aka dog fitter) at Thundershirt. What is thundershirt? A dog anti anxiety wrap. It is really cool the stories I get to hear of peoples pets and how I have gotten to see it work myself.



John and I got engaged!!! Yep I am getting married. I have never been so happy in my life. John is a great man, who loves me for who I am and who I dream to be. Our wedding is November 26th. Yep a little less and 4 months away. What am I thinking? So wish me luck in throwing together a simple, sweet, beautiful wedding.

William and Kate's Simple Prayer

William and Kate wrote a prayer for their wedding. "God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage. In the business of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy. Strengthened by our union, help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.”

I found this prayer simple yet something I think all people need to pray. "In the business of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy."

Job Seach

Recently I was put on work restriction by my orthopedist. Since birth I have had issues with my right hip and well it started acting up again. Right now I am only allowed to stand or walk for short periods of time. So needless to say I had to quit my job at David's Bridal and try to find some type of office work. In the mist of searching for work I got called by a temp agency I have been with since November to do a job that would last through May. Well they hired too many temps and let 10 of 15 people go. I was one of the people let go after two weeks. So I have been back to looking for jobs.

So as I look for jobs I have noticed there are so many people who try to scam job seekers. Theses people are on line, in news papers, and feel like they are just everywhere. Not to mention the fact that people say the economy is picking up, while I look around a still there are no jobs to be found. I can apply to 7 jobs a day and amp up my resume as I think of things. Yet calls don't come in. I wonder things like do people look at the fact that I used to be a minister and not like it? Does having a masters keep me from getting jobs? What else can I do to my resume to help myself get a job? Am I over educated?

All I am asking for is to start over. I don't care if I make less than I did as a youth minister. I just need someone to give me a chance.

John

Over the past four months I have kept myself from posting about this. John and I have been together since Thanksgiving. We met online and spent time chating online, on the phone, and finally met on Thanksgiving. We have been hard to get apart since. He is amazing and treats me like a woman should be treated (a princess). We are starting to talk about marraige and the future together.

Hitting the Branches

First off Happy Wear a Dress Tuesday. I took this a little further and did a Wear a dress Mondaay!

Growing up my family used to pick on me telling me they thought I hit most of the branches on the family tree on the way down. Why did they say this? I have just about every disorder that is on either side of my family. I wear glasses, I am overweight, I have big boobs ( yes I consider having big boobs a disorder), and the big one, I have congential hip dysplasia.

All of these plus a few more add to the fact that I am physically just falling apart at times. I spent almost all of high school with an imobalizer on my right leg, have had surgery on both knees, have been hospitalized for dehidration and well so many more. Over the past few days I have been reminded just how painfull the family tree could be. My wonderful hip dysplasia is acting up.

What this means is my hip is rolling in and out of joint. I am in pain most if not all of the time. It is not a fun experiance and I hope none of you ever have to experiance it. This all adds up to the fact that I have been restricted from standing, walking, or lifting a lot untill I can get seen by the orthopedist. Meaning I cannot work becasue all I do is stand, lift, and walk. It has made me more frusterated than ever becasue I had to spend the day trying to find someone to take my shift. Which did not happen, so needless to say my boss is not too happy.

10 Things all Girls Buying Wedding Dresses Should Know

So in my little over two months as a Bridal Consultant I have come to some very interesting conclusions about things Brides should know or do before looking for a wedding gown.

1) Research before you go - look into styles, colors, and be open to ideas. Also know your price point and let it be known. As a Bridal Consultant theses are the things I looks for.

2) Be Open - If the dresses are not looking right on you be open to other options. Bridal Consultants work with Brides ever day and we can almost always pull a dress that will look amazing on you in your price range.

3) Make sure to bring someone supportive - So I know most girls want mom to come and go shopping. However, if you mom is negative in any way don't bring her. Bring a friend, your soon to be mother-in-law, or a sibling. Also make sure the person or people you bring will be honest with you. You want people who will not lie about how you look in a dress.

4) Focus on You!!!!- Please, Please make sure to focus on yourself at least the first time you go shopping. You can look at Bridesmaid colors and dresses, but make sure it is about you. If it turns into being about your bridesmaids you may not be too happy.

5)Be Clean- For REAL this is the biggest pet peeve of Bridal Consultants. Shave your arm pits at the very least. Most wedding dresses don't have sleeves! No one wants to see your pit hair when you're trying on your dress. Shower and make sure to wear appropriate underwear as well! No g-strings PLEASE!

6) Make an Appointment- Don't just plan to walk into a Bridal Shop on any day, epically a weekend, and be able to try on dresses. Call ahead and make sure they can fit you in. If you don't make an appointment don't get pissed off if they see people who came in after you before they see you, those people probably have an appointment.

7) Shoes - Make sure you either bring a pare of shoes with the size heal you plan to wear or let the shop put you into a pare. Don't go barefoot. Most Bridal Salons also do alterations which means small pins!!!

8) Hair - Bring a hair tie if you plan to wear your hair up. That way you can get a little fuller picture of what you will look like in the full bridal attire.

9) Deck it OUT!!!- Go all out when trying on dresses. Try on the veils, tiaras, combs, and jewelry. If you're going to wear some special jewelry or you mothers veil bring it with you. You want your whole look to be flawless.

10) Be Happy - Remember that we are all human, even your Bridal Consultant. Everyone at the Bridal Salon wants you to look and feel amazing on your wedding day. Yes we do want to sell you a dress, but it is more important that you be happy. Also don't be a Bitch. The more willing you are to work with us the more we can help you.

Smarter and the Average Puppy

I know everyone thinks this but I have an amazing a smart 22 week old puppy. Tonight after 8 weeks of class my little Rosey graduated. She can do this so fast and learns as if her little brain is a sponge. She can sit, stay, and get herself out of a metal dog crate in less than one minute. Yes I said less than one minute. Rosey has discovered that 1) she does not like metal dog crates and 2) that she can get out of them even when they are locked. This realization has lead us to a few conclusions.

Rosey should never be put in a metal crate. She can escape too fast and well what is the point if she can escape. So we shall be using a plastic crate. She has not learned how to get out of the plastic one yet.

She is highly intelligent. My family has had many Bernese Mountain Dogs in the past and none of them have ever figured out how to get out of the metal crate.

The final realization. Rosey is smarter than the average puppy.

Money: to do what you love or what makes money?

For many year now I have struggled with a major question. Do I do the work I love or do the work that will make me money?

This started for me when I was in college and started looking into ministry. I know that minister don't make a lot of money in the UMC. I weighed the pros and cons of going into the ministry and it always came out that no matter what it paid I would be happier as a minister than doing something I did not love.

After leaving the ministry I started looking for jobs. I looked at first only for jobs I knew I would enjoy, but after a year of that not working I decided to go with what I could get. I started my work with ACS and learned to dread going into work everyday. I was helping people, which I love doing, but most of the time I would get yelled at or cussed out at least 1 time a day. In December my job at ACS ended. I was relieved and stressed at the same time.

Again I was faced with the question of finding a job that made money or trying to find something I would love. I have found something I love. Yes it is only part time. It is a little higher than minimum wage, but I make commission as well now. My goal with commission right now is to get it so that I am making $9.00 a hour, but I want to get up to $15 so that I can be making a little over what someone on minimum wage would make in a 40 hour week.

Now I am facing a question of trying to find another part time or full time position. I am getting paid money and can pay my bills, but how long can I get away with only making part time pay? I want to find something else I will enjoy. My family does not understand that because they want me to make money. To get out of debt, I have a lot of school loans to pay back. So now I ask the question again. Do I wait and find something I love or do I take a job that will bring in more money.

Who Will Love Me For Me?

The past week I keep turning on the radio in my car and hearing this wonderful song. "Love Me" by JJ Heller. The chorus goes: "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? 'Cause nobody has shown me what love what love really means".

The words go through my head over and over again through the day and I cannot stop thinking about the new community I have become a part of. The Peak UMC is a place that I was invited to visit back in April when I was getting ready to move back to NC. A long time friend and mentor Kay Coole told me that I should just come and check it out and visit her. How could I say no to Kay since I had not seen her in probably 4 years.


I will not lie I was afraid to walk in the first day because Peak is a United Methodist Church and I had not set foot in a service at a UMC since everything happened with Chapelwood in Texas. I slowly walked into the church and into a new life in the UMC.

Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I have become. The people at Peak opened their hearts and arms to me. A few have known me for 15+ years and caught up with me. A few people cried with me and shared my hurt of everything that happened in Texas. Pastor Tim encouraged me to slowly step back up and re find myself as a layperson and a minister. The people who run the youth ministry at the church met with me as did the youth. I was able to step up in a helper role in youth ministry. I love the youth and the other leaders. The music minister at the church asked me once a month until I was ready if I could join the praise band. Al was very gentle in his persuasion of getting me to sing again. I was finally able to step up and sing in front of a church again last Sunday. I have found a home and a community of love. At this point in my journey I know this is God's way of helping me to heal and someday maybe I'll be able to be a minister again.

I hear the final lyrics of JJ Heller's song every time I think about Peak.

"I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love, the love that you never knew"

Dreams Change

In the past month I have started to think about marriage. More or less the wedding part. Growing up I always dreamed of a big fluffy white dress, a long veil, sparkly teria, and the handsome prince waiting for me at the end of a long church ail. I always had my father walking me down the ail and lifting my veil to give me my last kiss as a single person. My mother would always be smiling or crying as she saw me walk towards my future husband. The flowers of white and big usually roses. Yes I somehow remember all of this.

Over the years my dream has changed. I still dream of a church wedding with my Pastor Tim officiating the service. A small gathering of family and friends. My father will still walk me down the ail and I know my mother will smile. My groom will think I am beautiful.

The hardest part about all of this is I now know this will probably not happen. Today my mother told me I have no wedding money. I will have to pay on my own. She wants me to get married at the beach house she and my father bought last year. Needless to say I am crushed. I don't want big, flashy, and crazy. I wanted small, sweet, and laid back. I know I will find a way to have this, but I also know I will have to let some of my dream go.

You'll Love Davids Bridal!

So After about a month of searching for a new job I have become a Bridal Consultant at none other than Davids Bridal. For many of you this may be a place where you have gotten a wedding gown or a bridesmaid dress in the past. Those wonderful women who helped you find that perfect fit and look as Bridal Consultants and Gown Specialists


As I am still in training I have only worked with one bride so far, but I have a few more this week. There is so much to learn, see, experience and do as a member of the Davids Bridal team. Today I got my list of clients and made calls to let them know I will be taking them over as clients. I got to talk to a few Brides, but for the most part I left messages or the numbers were disconnected.


So I guess what I am really saying is if you are in the Durham, NC area and getting married, going to prom, or have a special occasion coming up come on over to Davids Bridal and visit me.