Sinus Infection from .......

So nothing to interesting has been going on in my life because I have literally locked myself in the new apartment. I seem to think that by staying inside my sinus infection will go away. To date this has not worked, but neither have the two antibiotics I have been on this past month. I have come to decided this is all to blame on the fact that I am allergic to Cipro or that fact that my insurance will not pay for anything but urgent care, and well we all know urgent care. Now I am not saying that urgent care is not a good place to go, but come on two antibiotics and a month of a sinus infection and I am still suffering. Also can I just say I am eating almost nothing now because I am too tired from not being able to sleep. Sorry to fuss, but I am just so tired right now.

To Apply or Not to Apply

As most of you know I have been out of the ministry now for almost 6 months. In this time I have struggled to find a job, stay on my feet, keep living my life normally, and finally found a job. Now I am at a strange turning point. I am wanting to be back in ministry. I am still healing from the scars of this past year, but feel like God is telling me I need to go back into ministry. I am doing ministry in a couple different ways right now as a representative on the single adult board at my church, co-coordinating Third Thursday Westend Food Pantry, and just little things I am doing in everyday life.

However, In all of this I have felt so many things missing. I still desire to be a hospital chaplain, I desire to work with children, and I miss being in ministry all the time. I decided to check out a few things on the ACPE (association for clinical pastoral education) and saw that there are a lot of opening for next year. I talked to my pastor for a moment before church and he said to use him as my denominational reference since he will be the one licensing me for ministry. So the big question is: do I apply or not?

Working from Home?!?!

So as I told everyone in my last blog I got a new job. I have finished my training and I am now working from home. The only question is whether or not this is going to be good for me. I love being able to be around Rocky all day, take my 15 min breaks to just go out walking, and love the freedom I feel I am getting. The only problem is the freedom. Yes freedom is a good and bad thing. My full first day at home I work up with a horrible migraine and could barely get up. So I data mined 300 pages and went back to bed for a few hours as my medication set in. Now I did end up working for seven hours that day, but did not do nearly as much as I did when I was working in the office. It seems this being able to not be as productive as I was at work has started to be a trend. I have gotten all my hours in, but I just feel like I am not as productive.

As for the new apartment it is wonderful and I will post pictures as rooms become unpacked and arranged.

New Years Resoultuions and New Apartments

First off let me tell you I got this from my wonderful friend Sarah. I have not made a resolution in a few years. This year after reading Sarah's blog and hearing things on the radio (KSBJ my Christian Station) I decided it was time to take the plunge. My resolution is to focus more on myself and my happiness and worry less. I know this is like totally selfish but here goes my reasoning. Over the past few years I have not been putting enough effort into really looking after myself. My way of fixing this is 1) Move out of my apartment, 2) start seeing a counselor once I get my new benefits from my new job, 3) volunteer for an organization I care about, 4) focus on what makes me happy. I may not be able to do all these things, but my goal is to at least concurre three of them this year.

Lets start with Goal 1. I am moving again! Craziness, but it needed to happen. My roommate is getting married and I find that living here although nice, has reminded me of why I need to continue to move on. I signed a lease agreement yesterday on a new apartment. It is two bed, two bath apartment that is decent sized. Why two bedrooms? One is going to become my office/book space. I am starting training for a full time job on Monday. Yes, I am already working for the company, but they are now training me to be completely hired on full time instead of being a temp! I will be working from home, so I needed a space just to my work and, well as all people who have gone to Candler know, the alarming amount of books I have. This is also going to serve as a guest bedroom. I move in to my new place next Saturday, so I am completely thrill. As I see it Goal one shall be concurred as of next weekend!

Now if I can only start thinking about ways to get those other three parts of my New Years Resolution done.

The New Light of Christmas

This year Christmas was a very strange time for me. I usually have a list of things to tell family and friends what I want when they ask me. This year I just could not bring myself to tell anyone my list before Christmas. It contains two things 1) Getting a full time job 2) Being with my family for Christmas. Well needless to say I got gift number one the week before Christmas! I started work the Monday before Christmas for MRC (Medical Research Consultants). I am a full time temp for one month and then they are hiring me full time. It is very different from what I thought I would be doing, but I like the work. Now as for gift number 2. I was not able to go back to NC for Christmas. However, I did spend the evening with two of my friends, talked with my parents, brother, grandfather, and my cousin Annette. It ended up being a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas Eve was very strange and hard for me though. I thought about not going to church because I knew it would be full of families, people would look at me strange and I would more than likely cry. Well two of those were true. It was full of families and I did cry, but no one looked at me strange. At first I was sitting in a pew all by myself and think about my family, yes this caused crying. The next thing I knew this huge and I mean huge family piled into the pew with me. The oldest teenage son sat next to me. At first I could tell he was uncomfortable sitting next to a young woman who was tearing up a little, but turned and said Merry Christmas. I smiled and said it back. It was at this point that I looked down the row at the family and realized that I kind of fit in. It was funny. They were all either brown or blond hair and I kind of looked his mom. The kid and I both laughed a little as I think we realized this at the same time. Then I began to think as a the service started that I was with family. I was with all my church family, people who share my faith and love of Christ because who else would show up at 11pm for a church service. As the service ended I looked and the teenager and smiled this big smile. He smiled back and said goodnight. It was wonderful.

What a Year!

Life never happens as we plan it. Just a year ago I was posting about my interview in Texas and getting what I thought was a job that was going to lead me to my dreams. A year has past and a lot has happened. I am no longer at that job. My dreams while they still play on my heartstrings are changing as am I.

A year ago I was taking my last exam of Seminary. Telling everyone good bye and making plans with my family for a long journey that would bring me to Texas. I left behind my family, my friends and my dog (Lynn). I set out for my journey to begin in Texas.

Where is my journey now? Well parts of it have ended and new parts begun. I am no longer officially in ministry as a career, yet I minister every day. I minister to my roommate, my friends, fellow e&a members, my co-workers, my church singles group and just people I run into and smile at. When people ask me what my old job was I get odd looks now. Many people cannot believe that a person that can hang out and be cool would ever be a minister. When people give me odd looks I just smile and say they may want to check out church again sometime. I have a new job at MRC (medical research consultants). I plan to keep my spirit going there. I am also hoping to teach in middle school sometime in the near future. I have a great new set of friends who have become my family here in Texas. I think the biggest change though it that I love Texas!

My calling and my dream of being a minister are still there. I just have come to the realization that right now is not the right time for me. There is still a lot for me to learn and I need to grow spiritually some more. What that means for me right now is forgiveness, acceptance, and learning to trust again. My plan for that is continue to go to church at Tallowood. I trust that someday when God lets me know I am ready I will have their support to go into hospital chaplaincy. Until then I will continue to minister in my own way everyday.

Exhaustion

As I sit here after three crazy days of working I wonder if I will make it through the rest of the week. To start off with I do have to say I had a great Sunday off from all forms of work and enjoyed resting and studying. However, I have worked as a Substitute teacher three days this week. I have worked one 7:30-11:30 shift at Bath and Body Works. Which let me tell you getting home at 11:45 to be up by 6am does not work well with me. I have to relax before I can sleep so it was at latest 2 am when I feel asleep. I work again tomorrow at Bath and Body Works as well as host a Karaoke Night for Events and Adventures. Then Friday I work at 9:45 am at Bath and Body Works. I truly love all the jobs I am doing, but can I just have a day to sleep. Three part time jobs is killing me. I don't know how people have a life of doing this type of thing. I REALLY need to find a stable full time job soon.