Test Anxiety

IT'S BACK!!!!!!!

I thought this part of my life was kind of sort of over. I have a major problem which is text anxiety. I have had it since I was little. Always get so geared up before, during, and sometimes even after tests. At Candler I got advice from my councilor that I should drink a glass of wine before every test I took. This cracked me up because I had a lot of 8am tests and exams. As I laughed at my councilor He told me it was ok to drink before noon. I took his advice and did better.

So now here I am finished with my MDiv, thought I was finished with standardised tests, and now I am back at it. Taking my TExES (Texas Teachers Exam) tomorrow for Social Studies grades 4-8. I have studied my butt off for the past month. So much so that I have been randomly stating facts about Texas, US History, and Economics in conversations. So you would think I would be totally ready and ok with this test. NO I have a horrible case of test anxiety and no wine to be found. So I am sitting in my new room, after trying to sleep for a hour, writing about testing and how much I hate it. All I can say is Lord help me get some sleep tonight and get through this test tomorrow.

Life of the unemployed

As person who hates having nothing to do being unemployed is not a good thing for me. I have been spending most of my time searching any job search engine I can find for a job that I am experienced enough for. Came up with the idea that maybe I should go back to school, then decided not to. Decided to become a teacher, social studies grades 4-8, and am taking my TExES test next Tuesday for that. Have watched way too much TV and have spent many hours with two dogs, who are now very spoiled.


I have however done a few productive things. I moved to Houston. Love my new roommate Erin. I have started looking for a new church and denomination home. I have been to a different church and denomination for the past three weeks. I like Bethal UCC the best so far of all the churches (They sing communion !!!). I have discovered that I am at a place where God is trying to tell me something, but not sure what yet other than the fact that I need to be closer to God.

So where in all of this I became obsessed with the song "What do I Know of Holy"?

Unempolyment

So Life just keeps getting more interesting. I ended my time at chapelwood last Thursday. Since then I have been having a good, but strange time.

Friday I took Laurel, the girl I sponsored on Chrysalis, to Phantom of the Opera. We had such a blast. I have seen the musical three times and Laurel saw it for the first time. It was so cool being with someone who had never seen it before. It was a good production, but they left out the roses. I was kind of sad.

Saturday I went to the Chrysalis reunion with Laurel and then to the boys Chrysalis. We had a blast. I got to serve the guys at the Agape Dinner. We sang to them and served their meal it was quite fun. I then spent half the night talking with Thomas. Such a good guy.

Sunday I went out and tried a new church. It was nice but no one was talked to me at service and only two people talked to me at Sunday school. The messages were good. I went out for Brunch with friends at Rainbow Lodge. Had an amazing lodge. Went to my Friend Nici's birthday dinner. Then got in a car accident with a pot hole. Yes a pot hole. I bruised by jaw and a rib. The car is ok but I had to pay $1600 to get it fixed.

Monday I slept and rested all day. Got my car from Houston and got my pain killers. Then I started the packing and have been packing ever since. Well that is in between the sleeping and trying not to hurt my back or rib again. I have also been looking for jobs while resting. I am seriously thinking about becoming a teacher since they have a program where I can teach for 2 years while I take the classes to get certified as a teacher.

God is stronger than I am

For the past few weeks I have been holding some major pain, hurt, and scars in. These are things that I had thought I had given God, but I guess when everything started happening this month I picked them back up. Since I don't have a whole lot of friends down in Texas that are Christian that are around me enough to see what is going on with me I just kept being hurt and letting it get the best of me.


So last night I started talking to a person I met a couple months ago. Thomas has been a huge part of my life. We have a great time debating and talking about our faith. After many months of just talking online for some reason we decide to talk on the phone. As soon as we started talking things started coming out. He right away started asking me what was going on, why I seemed so guarded right now. He slowly started to get out of me the pain and hurt I have been feeling this month. As our conversation went on he pulled out his Bible and started reading me Scriptures about how God is my strength and I cannot be who God has called me to be without God's strength. We went through many different parts of the pain and hurt and prayed together that God would help me to submit and let God lead me and be my strength.


I was so amazed that everything had happened. I spent hours last night praying over giving into God and the plans that are laid out for me. Today I felt much lighter. I did not feel as much pain and hurt. I opened up my letters from my Walk to Emmaus and reminded myself how God really is my strength and my councilor. It was amazing to know I am not alone in all of this.