The New Light of Christmas

This year Christmas was a very strange time for me. I usually have a list of things to tell family and friends what I want when they ask me. This year I just could not bring myself to tell anyone my list before Christmas. It contains two things 1) Getting a full time job 2) Being with my family for Christmas. Well needless to say I got gift number one the week before Christmas! I started work the Monday before Christmas for MRC (Medical Research Consultants). I am a full time temp for one month and then they are hiring me full time. It is very different from what I thought I would be doing, but I like the work. Now as for gift number 2. I was not able to go back to NC for Christmas. However, I did spend the evening with two of my friends, talked with my parents, brother, grandfather, and my cousin Annette. It ended up being a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas Eve was very strange and hard for me though. I thought about not going to church because I knew it would be full of families, people would look at me strange and I would more than likely cry. Well two of those were true. It was full of families and I did cry, but no one looked at me strange. At first I was sitting in a pew all by myself and think about my family, yes this caused crying. The next thing I knew this huge and I mean huge family piled into the pew with me. The oldest teenage son sat next to me. At first I could tell he was uncomfortable sitting next to a young woman who was tearing up a little, but turned and said Merry Christmas. I smiled and said it back. It was at this point that I looked down the row at the family and realized that I kind of fit in. It was funny. They were all either brown or blond hair and I kind of looked his mom. The kid and I both laughed a little as I think we realized this at the same time. Then I began to think as a the service started that I was with family. I was with all my church family, people who share my faith and love of Christ because who else would show up at 11pm for a church service. As the service ended I looked and the teenager and smiled this big smile. He smiled back and said goodnight. It was wonderful.

What a Year!

Life never happens as we plan it. Just a year ago I was posting about my interview in Texas and getting what I thought was a job that was going to lead me to my dreams. A year has past and a lot has happened. I am no longer at that job. My dreams while they still play on my heartstrings are changing as am I.

A year ago I was taking my last exam of Seminary. Telling everyone good bye and making plans with my family for a long journey that would bring me to Texas. I left behind my family, my friends and my dog (Lynn). I set out for my journey to begin in Texas.

Where is my journey now? Well parts of it have ended and new parts begun. I am no longer officially in ministry as a career, yet I minister every day. I minister to my roommate, my friends, fellow e&a members, my co-workers, my church singles group and just people I run into and smile at. When people ask me what my old job was I get odd looks now. Many people cannot believe that a person that can hang out and be cool would ever be a minister. When people give me odd looks I just smile and say they may want to check out church again sometime. I have a new job at MRC (medical research consultants). I plan to keep my spirit going there. I am also hoping to teach in middle school sometime in the near future. I have a great new set of friends who have become my family here in Texas. I think the biggest change though it that I love Texas!

My calling and my dream of being a minister are still there. I just have come to the realization that right now is not the right time for me. There is still a lot for me to learn and I need to grow spiritually some more. What that means for me right now is forgiveness, acceptance, and learning to trust again. My plan for that is continue to go to church at Tallowood. I trust that someday when God lets me know I am ready I will have their support to go into hospital chaplaincy. Until then I will continue to minister in my own way everyday.

Exhaustion

As I sit here after three crazy days of working I wonder if I will make it through the rest of the week. To start off with I do have to say I had a great Sunday off from all forms of work and enjoyed resting and studying. However, I have worked as a Substitute teacher three days this week. I have worked one 7:30-11:30 shift at Bath and Body Works. Which let me tell you getting home at 11:45 to be up by 6am does not work well with me. I have to relax before I can sleep so it was at latest 2 am when I feel asleep. I work again tomorrow at Bath and Body Works as well as host a Karaoke Night for Events and Adventures. Then Friday I work at 9:45 am at Bath and Body Works. I truly love all the jobs I am doing, but can I just have a day to sleep. Three part time jobs is killing me. I don't know how people have a life of doing this type of thing. I REALLY need to find a stable full time job soon.