Who Will Love Me For Me?

The past week I keep turning on the radio in my car and hearing this wonderful song. "Love Me" by JJ Heller. The chorus goes: "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? 'Cause nobody has shown me what love what love really means".

The words go through my head over and over again through the day and I cannot stop thinking about the new community I have become a part of. The Peak UMC is a place that I was invited to visit back in April when I was getting ready to move back to NC. A long time friend and mentor Kay Coole told me that I should just come and check it out and visit her. How could I say no to Kay since I had not seen her in probably 4 years.


I will not lie I was afraid to walk in the first day because Peak is a United Methodist Church and I had not set foot in a service at a UMC since everything happened with Chapelwood in Texas. I slowly walked into the church and into a new life in the UMC.

Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I have become. The people at Peak opened their hearts and arms to me. A few have known me for 15+ years and caught up with me. A few people cried with me and shared my hurt of everything that happened in Texas. Pastor Tim encouraged me to slowly step back up and re find myself as a layperson and a minister. The people who run the youth ministry at the church met with me as did the youth. I was able to step up in a helper role in youth ministry. I love the youth and the other leaders. The music minister at the church asked me once a month until I was ready if I could join the praise band. Al was very gentle in his persuasion of getting me to sing again. I was finally able to step up and sing in front of a church again last Sunday. I have found a home and a community of love. At this point in my journey I know this is God's way of helping me to heal and someday maybe I'll be able to be a minister again.

I hear the final lyrics of JJ Heller's song every time I think about Peak.

"I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love, the love that you never knew"

Dreams Change

In the past month I have started to think about marriage. More or less the wedding part. Growing up I always dreamed of a big fluffy white dress, a long veil, sparkly teria, and the handsome prince waiting for me at the end of a long church ail. I always had my father walking me down the ail and lifting my veil to give me my last kiss as a single person. My mother would always be smiling or crying as she saw me walk towards my future husband. The flowers of white and big usually roses. Yes I somehow remember all of this.

Over the years my dream has changed. I still dream of a church wedding with my Pastor Tim officiating the service. A small gathering of family and friends. My father will still walk me down the ail and I know my mother will smile. My groom will think I am beautiful.

The hardest part about all of this is I now know this will probably not happen. Today my mother told me I have no wedding money. I will have to pay on my own. She wants me to get married at the beach house she and my father bought last year. Needless to say I am crushed. I don't want big, flashy, and crazy. I wanted small, sweet, and laid back. I know I will find a way to have this, but I also know I will have to let some of my dream go.

You'll Love Davids Bridal!

So After about a month of searching for a new job I have become a Bridal Consultant at none other than Davids Bridal. For many of you this may be a place where you have gotten a wedding gown or a bridesmaid dress in the past. Those wonderful women who helped you find that perfect fit and look as Bridal Consultants and Gown Specialists


As I am still in training I have only worked with one bride so far, but I have a few more this week. There is so much to learn, see, experience and do as a member of the Davids Bridal team. Today I got my list of clients and made calls to let them know I will be taking them over as clients. I got to talk to a few Brides, but for the most part I left messages or the numbers were disconnected.


So I guess what I am really saying is if you are in the Durham, NC area and getting married, going to prom, or have a special occasion coming up come on over to Davids Bridal and visit me.

New Years Resolution

So I am not one to usually make resolutions when a year ends, but this year I feel I need to do that.


My New Years Resolution is to decide what I want to do with my life and take steps to get there. Why? Because this year has been full of me searching for and working at jobs that I have hated. I have not found the fulfillment I had when I was in ministry in any job I have had this year.


My year in Review:
I started this year working and living in Texas. I worked for a Medical Research Consultant going over medical files for legal cases.
In March I met and got unofficially engaged to James Wolfkill. (total mistake on my part)
April James got put in jail and I figured out just how much he had stolen from me.
May 1st I moved back to NC
May I started looking for jobs and auditioned for Godspell and reconnected with Emily, Elizabeth, and Erin
June and July I had practice for Godspell (I played Robin) and search for jobs
August I got two jobs. 1) Baker at Cake Shop, 2) Teach Support for ACS
September I spent all my time working
October I helped throw a Baby shower for Emily and worked
November I had my 28th Birthday, met John (my boyfriend), and started having issues with the way things were done at ACS
December lost my job at ACS and started looking for work again.

Meet Rosey!

I never thought I would love 2 am so much as I do when I hear a little bark or howl from the crate that sits close to my bed.

Rosey came into me and my brothers life in a wonderful and unexpected way. We have been looking for a rescue dog for about two months now and David just could not get over wanting a Bernese Mountain Dog. We found two other rescue ones before Rosey but they both fell through. Two weeks ago a person from the Bernese Mountain Dog Club of the Blue Ridge Mountains sent out a plee for a home for a 8 week old puppy. Rosey needed a home with no stairs and a back yard where she can play and run and be safe. She has what is call hip Dyspepsia.

So here we are two weeks later with 8 week old Rosey being the love of our lives. She is funny, sweet, and has her own little personality.

For Realz

First off Happy Wear a Dress Voting Day!

So for the past month I have been working towards becoming a full agent at my job. After fighting myself on learning to sell things over the phone I am coming out of my month of learning lab. What is amazing about this for me is that I am not only graduating for a full agent, but I will get a $140 bonus this month for my sales and my customer service!!! For Real I have made it and I am getting extra.

As I got all excited about it this weekend someone of my friends call me out on the way I say "for real." Apparently it comes out "For Realz!" I laughed my butt off as they then began to quote the section at the beginning of the I like Big Butts song. To make you see how funny this is, the people doing it are guys. Not only just guys but guys who are all about being manly and big and bad. It cracked me up to no end. They called me a total valley girl and I could not believe how funny I thought it all was.

So Like Totally For Realz I Graduated!

Working Woes

Well I made it. I am not working on the floor as a Sprint Teach Support Service Specialist. Needless to say I am still in training just a different type. Learning Lab is a place where new agents work and have a little extra support. This may sound good, but here are my woes.

I have a new Supervisor. She is kind of crazy. She wants us to graduate Learning Lab by the 15th, of this month! Learning Lab is a 30 day process and that is only 15 days. Second if sales scores are not above red by next week I'll get written up. Sales is not our number 1 or 2 priority. The worse of all is my new schedule lets me spend zero time with family and friends. I work 2pm-10:30 get home and try to unwind which takes a few hours and then sleep 8 or 9 hours a night. Thus I get up shower get a few things done and go back to work.


However, there are a few good things. I have 100% IR, customer service and I earned 50 sales points last night.