Who Will Love Me For Me?

The past week I keep turning on the radio in my car and hearing this wonderful song. "Love Me" by JJ Heller. The chorus goes: "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? 'Cause nobody has shown me what love what love really means".

The words go through my head over and over again through the day and I cannot stop thinking about the new community I have become a part of. The Peak UMC is a place that I was invited to visit back in April when I was getting ready to move back to NC. A long time friend and mentor Kay Coole told me that I should just come and check it out and visit her. How could I say no to Kay since I had not seen her in probably 4 years.


I will not lie I was afraid to walk in the first day because Peak is a United Methodist Church and I had not set foot in a service at a UMC since everything happened with Chapelwood in Texas. I slowly walked into the church and into a new life in the UMC.

Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I have become. The people at Peak opened their hearts and arms to me. A few have known me for 15+ years and caught up with me. A few people cried with me and shared my hurt of everything that happened in Texas. Pastor Tim encouraged me to slowly step back up and re find myself as a layperson and a minister. The people who run the youth ministry at the church met with me as did the youth. I was able to step up in a helper role in youth ministry. I love the youth and the other leaders. The music minister at the church asked me once a month until I was ready if I could join the praise band. Al was very gentle in his persuasion of getting me to sing again. I was finally able to step up and sing in front of a church again last Sunday. I have found a home and a community of love. At this point in my journey I know this is God's way of helping me to heal and someday maybe I'll be able to be a minister again.

I hear the final lyrics of JJ Heller's song every time I think about Peak.

"I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love, the love that you never knew"

Dreams Change

In the past month I have started to think about marriage. More or less the wedding part. Growing up I always dreamed of a big fluffy white dress, a long veil, sparkly teria, and the handsome prince waiting for me at the end of a long church ail. I always had my father walking me down the ail and lifting my veil to give me my last kiss as a single person. My mother would always be smiling or crying as she saw me walk towards my future husband. The flowers of white and big usually roses. Yes I somehow remember all of this.

Over the years my dream has changed. I still dream of a church wedding with my Pastor Tim officiating the service. A small gathering of family and friends. My father will still walk me down the ail and I know my mother will smile. My groom will think I am beautiful.

The hardest part about all of this is I now know this will probably not happen. Today my mother told me I have no wedding money. I will have to pay on my own. She wants me to get married at the beach house she and my father bought last year. Needless to say I am crushed. I don't want big, flashy, and crazy. I wanted small, sweet, and laid back. I know I will find a way to have this, but I also know I will have to let some of my dream go.

You'll Love Davids Bridal!

So After about a month of searching for a new job I have become a Bridal Consultant at none other than Davids Bridal. For many of you this may be a place where you have gotten a wedding gown or a bridesmaid dress in the past. Those wonderful women who helped you find that perfect fit and look as Bridal Consultants and Gown Specialists


As I am still in training I have only worked with one bride so far, but I have a few more this week. There is so much to learn, see, experience and do as a member of the Davids Bridal team. Today I got my list of clients and made calls to let them know I will be taking them over as clients. I got to talk to a few Brides, but for the most part I left messages or the numbers were disconnected.


So I guess what I am really saying is if you are in the Durham, NC area and getting married, going to prom, or have a special occasion coming up come on over to Davids Bridal and visit me.