Single Again

So this weekend was a bunch of really had stuff. Friday I saw a post about Chapelwood's add for a new youth leader. I wanted to puck, laugh, and cry. It was not a very truthful add about the church and it made me quite sad.

Saturday I spent the day studying and then had a double date with my roommate Erin her fiance Matt and Skyler. After that Skyler and I took off to do a few things he needed to do and then planed on heading back to his place to watch a move. We did make it back to his place, but never watched the movie. We talked and he told me that he is not sure he can be with me because he is not over his ex. I got upset and cried. Then we just spent the night in each others arms. Yesterday we decided that right now he needs us to just be friends. So I am single again.

Sad and Happy times

Over the past week I have been kind of going through some changes. I found out that I had hurt my ankle worse than I had thought. I thought sprained but it was torn ligament. NO FUN. I got to talk with my pastor about my past and what my spiritual life is like right now. The result of this was figuring out that I still need to work some on forgiving everything that has happened in the past few months.

Ok so here is the happy news. I had a long conversation with my friend Skyler on Friday night and we decided to date. We spent the weekend talking more and today I helped him move into a new apartment. I could not lift much because of my ankle, but we had a good time. In helping with the move I meet his best friends, dad, brother, and mom. It was an interesting day.

Another goodbye

So my mom called today at 7:30am to tell me that Bear (Barrette) had died. She was in the shower and saw him walk out of her bed room, then heard a loud thump, and my grandfather yelled for her. She raced to get cloths on and my brother even broke the rules and ran out of his room to get to Bear (Dave has H1N1). They checked for a heart beat and there was none. Bear is now at NC State veterinary school for an autopsy.

The strange thing about all of this is I have know something bad was coming. Over the past week I have just not felt myself. This weekend I started having dreams where Bear would come and talk to me. He wanted me back in NC. Now I know why I had this dream.

Bear was almost 10 years old. He was the second litter of pupps my family ever had. I remember holding him when he was a new born and talking to him about how he was our little Barrette. Over the year he became so loving and strong. Being only truly happy when everyone was home, which was not often since I was in college and seminary. He was truly a very very special dog.

Back to the Beginning

This past week has been full of new beginnings for me. I did not pass my teachers test by 15 points. So back to studying I go. However, I am not too upset. I talked to many of my teacher friends and they told me they did not pass the first time they took the test. I cannot retake the Social Studies test until November, so I am studying for Language Arts.

I took a big step these past two weeks. I decided after talking to my friend Thomas to go to a Baptist church here in Texas. I was convinced that I would dislike it, but I love it. The pastor is an amazing, intellectual, and spiritual person. He used Anne Lamont two weeks ago and this week used John Wesley as sermon illustrations. How odd is this???? I also have been doing things with the singles group and love being around the people at Tallowood. After thinking and praying about things I decided to ask the pastor about women and ordination. He had been informed of my situation by my new friend Michelle, a fellow seminary graduate, single woman, and head of prayer ministries. He straight out told me I will be the first woman ever ordained at Tallowood and he is looking forward to my joining.

Thus I am back to the beginning. I started my ministry in the SBC in NC and now I am thinking about going Baptist again. My problem is I still support lgbtq people and I am not sure how the church will feel about this. I am meeting with the pastor later this week to talk about my feelings.

Test Anxiety

IT'S BACK!!!!!!!

I thought this part of my life was kind of sort of over. I have a major problem which is text anxiety. I have had it since I was little. Always get so geared up before, during, and sometimes even after tests. At Candler I got advice from my councilor that I should drink a glass of wine before every test I took. This cracked me up because I had a lot of 8am tests and exams. As I laughed at my councilor He told me it was ok to drink before noon. I took his advice and did better.

So now here I am finished with my MDiv, thought I was finished with standardised tests, and now I am back at it. Taking my TExES (Texas Teachers Exam) tomorrow for Social Studies grades 4-8. I have studied my butt off for the past month. So much so that I have been randomly stating facts about Texas, US History, and Economics in conversations. So you would think I would be totally ready and ok with this test. NO I have a horrible case of test anxiety and no wine to be found. So I am sitting in my new room, after trying to sleep for a hour, writing about testing and how much I hate it. All I can say is Lord help me get some sleep tonight and get through this test tomorrow.

Life of the unemployed

As person who hates having nothing to do being unemployed is not a good thing for me. I have been spending most of my time searching any job search engine I can find for a job that I am experienced enough for. Came up with the idea that maybe I should go back to school, then decided not to. Decided to become a teacher, social studies grades 4-8, and am taking my TExES test next Tuesday for that. Have watched way too much TV and have spent many hours with two dogs, who are now very spoiled.


I have however done a few productive things. I moved to Houston. Love my new roommate Erin. I have started looking for a new church and denomination home. I have been to a different church and denomination for the past three weeks. I like Bethal UCC the best so far of all the churches (They sing communion !!!). I have discovered that I am at a place where God is trying to tell me something, but not sure what yet other than the fact that I need to be closer to God.

So where in all of this I became obsessed with the song "What do I Know of Holy"?

Unempolyment

So Life just keeps getting more interesting. I ended my time at chapelwood last Thursday. Since then I have been having a good, but strange time.

Friday I took Laurel, the girl I sponsored on Chrysalis, to Phantom of the Opera. We had such a blast. I have seen the musical three times and Laurel saw it for the first time. It was so cool being with someone who had never seen it before. It was a good production, but they left out the roses. I was kind of sad.

Saturday I went to the Chrysalis reunion with Laurel and then to the boys Chrysalis. We had a blast. I got to serve the guys at the Agape Dinner. We sang to them and served their meal it was quite fun. I then spent half the night talking with Thomas. Such a good guy.

Sunday I went out and tried a new church. It was nice but no one was talked to me at service and only two people talked to me at Sunday school. The messages were good. I went out for Brunch with friends at Rainbow Lodge. Had an amazing lodge. Went to my Friend Nici's birthday dinner. Then got in a car accident with a pot hole. Yes a pot hole. I bruised by jaw and a rib. The car is ok but I had to pay $1600 to get it fixed.

Monday I slept and rested all day. Got my car from Houston and got my pain killers. Then I started the packing and have been packing ever since. Well that is in between the sleeping and trying not to hurt my back or rib again. I have also been looking for jobs while resting. I am seriously thinking about becoming a teacher since they have a program where I can teach for 2 years while I take the classes to get certified as a teacher.