Life All Made New

Nerves or Too Much Caffeine

2011-11-20T04:32:00.004-06:00

So I have not been sleeping well the past few nights. I have to wonder if it is all the caffeine I have been drinking to have energy at work, or if it is nerves. I feel like I have so much left to do for the wedding. I am not sure I am going to finish everything, but then again I wonder if it even matters. The point of the day is my marriage to John not the day being perfect.

My Heart Longs....

2011-10-20T12:50:00.002-05:00

Every year around this time for the past few years my heart begins to wander. I go back to the summer of 2006 and the passion I had. I go back to Emory University Medical Center and see myself walking the halls and people looking at me for guidance. It was a hard, wonderful, and blessed time in my life. It was a time when my calling into hospital Chaplaincy was confirmed. I found pleasure in just stopping to talk with the staff, and help families find even a small sense of peace. Since than I have been told my calling was not real and my sense of confirmation that summer was wrong. You see if I had been more true to my calling and not done work in the church, where I was not called to, I might be where I longed. I might be doing my residency. I could be an ordained Chaplin even. This is the time of year where Hospitals in NC start interviewing candidates for residency in the chaplin program. I long to be one of them.

5!!!

2011-10-14T17:24:00.002-05:00

So this week is a week of 5's for me.

1)I am down 5 pounds in 3 weeks! So proud that I am sticking to this. It has been hard and as I sit here typing I am waiting for John to come over for dinner and I am HUNGRY!

2) 5 weeks and 5 days until the Wedding! I am getting excited and stressed and a number of other feelings right now.

Tomorrow should be fun, my Bridal Shower. I will post pictures sometime in the next week. I am also looking forward to a wonderful weekend with my best friend from college who should be here in a few hours.

Small Victory

2011-09-27T11:35:00.002-05:00

I have been very quiet about the process I have been going through the past few months. I applied and was accepted into a weight loss study that is being done at Duke. I was so excited as I went through the process of meetings, blood draws, and finally group selection. Than the hammer came down. I was selected for the control group which has no help loosing weight other than conventional means for two years. I still get to do the study and in two years I get the weight loss intervention. As I went through acceptance of this I asked many questions of the nurse and found out that I could do weight watchers, jenny craige, or a number of other weight loss programs.

I finally decided on Weight Watchers. I have done it before with a little success, but they came out with a new program. I started this program last week and I am already down 2.4 lbs. My goal is 15lbs before the wedding. I have 60 days to go so I am in hopes this goal is acheviable.

What I ask is for anyone who reads this to keep me motivated. I know I can do this and I can become a healthier person.

Two Months from Today

2011-09-26T18:57:00.002-05:00

I am Two Months and counting it down. By this time two months from today I will be Mrs Kaisinger! I have been planing and planing this wedding and I am just about done. I could not be happier about this than I am right now.

However, If today is any indication of how the wedding will go I will pass out. Both of the dogs are sick and I had to take off work to take Rocky to the vet. NO sickness on my wedding day please.

Irene made me Productive

2011-08-27T20:46:00.002-05:00

So living in North Carolina has it's downfalls.... Hurricanes. Yesterday after the third most crazy day of work ever at Thundershirt ( The 2 days before the 4th of July were worse)I went and got my dogs and headed to my parents. I wanted to make sure if anything happened with Irene that my mom had all the help she needs. She just had thyroid cancer removed last week and is very weak. So my only plan was to maybe clean and relax the Irene away.

What happened instead. I went to see my wedding flower mockup and well it is going to be amazing. John even loves them :). I cleaned my mom's house. Made decorations for my final cake class in the Wilton series. I will post picture tomorrow. I went shopping for things a woman wears under her wedding dress (aka a long line bra). Finally I finished shopping for my bridesmaids. I felt so very productive for a crazy windy day.

A Night of a Few of My Favorit Things

2011-08-24T18:20:00.002-05:00

So Monday John and I decided to try out a new restaurant we found on restaurant.com. It is called Blue Note Grill. It was advertised as having Texas style BBQ, so we were both totally excited to try this out (John grew up from 2-11 years of age in the Houston area). Needless to say we were not let down about the Texas BBQ. I was literally licking my finger by the end of dinner. Oh Texas BBQ how I have missed you and love that I now have you back in my life.

When we got there a band was setting up. All I could think is sweet a little music with dinner. To my surprise it was a really good Jazz group. They did fun music the whole time and I totally love the whole experience. I also found out they have Jazz, Blues, and Big Band style music playing EVERY NIGHT!!!!! Needless to say I will be going back and will drag John with me.

When we got back to my house John and I turned on the TV to look for something to watch and he let me watch Hell's Kitchen for two hours. I am so in love with this wonderful man who will put up with my addiction to Hell's Kitchen. I just hope he can stand Grey's Anatomy.

Planning a Wedding in 4 Months!!!!

2011-08-17T19:37:00.005-05:00

So After few weeks of real planning I have figured out one thing. I am CRAZY thinking I can plan a wedding in 4 months. Oh well I am doing it any ways. Everything John and I seem to be doing is about the wedding or is doubling as two things at once. The above picture was taken at my Caterers restaurant about 5 minutes before we met with her. We did a whole little engagement session with my mom at the place. It is cute and I totally wish it were not a hour and a half away from the church.

So my list of things I have done:
Got the Dress, shoes, head pieces, and accessories
Flowers
Caterer
Reception at a sweet local Art Gallery
Church and Pastor Tim
My girl's have their dresses ordered( Flower girl dresses are in)
Mom has her dress
Invitations (still need printing but I have them)
We have registered at 3 places
Ordered our wedding rings Tonight!! (we won them)
DJ
The Cake (I am taking the Wilton classes with my mom and we are making the cake)
Day of Coordinator (Thank You Miss Kay)
Music for the Wedding (I think!?!?!?)
Photographer
Emailed out Save the Dates

Wait maybe I am more organized than I thought. Oh well I still think I am CRAZY for planning a wedding in 4 months.

Life happens when you forget to Blog!

2011-08-06T03:53:00.003-05:00

So I can never seem to get to my blog lately. So here are the Updates.

I got a full time job as customer service specialist and retail sales (aka dog fitter) at Thundershirt. What is thundershirt? A dog anti anxiety wrap. It is really cool the stories I get to hear of peoples pets and how I have gotten to see it work myself.

John and I got engaged!!! Yep I am getting married. I have never been so happy in my life. John is a great man, who loves me for who I am and who I dream to be. Our wedding is November 26th. Yep a little less and 4 months away. What am I thinking? So wish me luck in throwing together a simple, sweet, beautiful wedding.

William and Kate's Simple Prayer

2011-04-29T12:12:00.003-05:00

William and Kate wrote a prayer for their wedding. "God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage. In the business of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy. Strengthened by our union, help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.”

I found this prayer simple yet something I think all people need to pray. "In the business of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy."

Job Seach

2011-04-28T21:48:00.002-05:00

Recently I was put on work restriction by my orthopedist. Since birth I have had issues with my right hip and well it started acting up again. Right now I am only allowed to stand or walk for short periods of time. So needless to say I had to quit my job at David's Bridal and try to find some type of office work. In the mist of searching for work I got called by a temp agency I have been with since November to do a job that would last through May. Well they hired too many temps and let 10 of 15 people go. I was one of the people let go after two weeks. So I have been back to looking for jobs.

So as I look for jobs I have noticed there are so many people who try to scam job seekers. Theses people are on line, in news papers, and feel like they are just everywhere. Not to mention the fact that people say the economy is picking up, while I look around a still there are no jobs to be found. I can apply to 7 jobs a day and amp up my resume as I think of things. Yet calls don't come in. I wonder things like do people look at the fact that I used to be a minister and not like it? Does having a masters keep me from getting jobs? What else can I do to my resume to help myself get a job? Am I over educated?

All I am asking for is to start over. I don't care if I make less than I did as a youth minister. I just need someone to give me a chance.

John

2011-03-30T10:05:00.003-05:00

Over the past four months I have kept myself from posting about this. John and I have been together since Thanksgiving. We met online and spent time chating online, on the phone, and finally met on Thanksgiving. We have been hard to get apart since. He is amazing and treats me like a woman should be treated (a princess). We are starting to talk about marraige and the future together.

Hitting the Branches

2011-03-22T16:38:00.002-05:00

First off Happy Wear a Dress Tuesday. I took this a little further and did a Wear a dress Mondaay!

Growing up my family used to pick on me telling me they thought I hit most of the branches on the family tree on the way down. Why did they say this? I have just about every disorder that is on either side of my family. I wear glasses, I am overweight, I have big boobs ( yes I consider having big boobs a disorder), and the big one, I have congential hip dysplasia.

All of these plus a few more add to the fact that I am physically just falling apart at times. I spent almost all of high school with an imobalizer on my right leg, have had surgery on both knees, have been hospitalized for dehidration and well so many more. Over the past few days I have been reminded just how painfull the family tree could be. My wonderful hip dysplasia is acting up.

What this means is my hip is rolling in and out of joint. I am in pain most if not all of the time. It is not a fun experiance and I hope none of you ever have to experiance it. This all adds up to the fact that I have been restricted from standing, walking, or lifting a lot untill I can get seen by the orthopedist. Meaning I cannot work becasue all I do is stand, lift, and walk. It has made me more frusterated than ever becasue I had to spend the day trying to find someone to take my shift. Which did not happen, so needless to say my boss is not too happy.

10 Things all Girls Buying Wedding Dresses Should Know

2011-03-18T19:59:00.006-05:00

So in my little over two months as a Bridal Consultant I have come to some very interesting conclusions about things Brides should know or do before looking for a wedding gown.

1) Research before you go - look into styles, colors, and be open to ideas. Also know your price point and let it be known. As a Bridal Consultant theses are the things I looks for.

2) Be Open - If the dresses are not looking right on you be open to other options. Bridal Consultants work with Brides ever day and we can almost always pull a dress that will look amazing on you in your price range.

3) Make sure to bring someone supportive - So I know most girls want mom to come and go shopping. However, if you mom is negative in any way don't bring her. Bring a friend, your soon to be mother-in-law, or a sibling. Also make sure the person or people you bring will be honest with you. You want people who will not lie about how you look in a dress.

4) Focus on You!!!!- Please, Please make sure to focus on yourself at least the first time you go shopping. You can look at Bridesmaid colors and dresses, but make sure it is about you. If it turns into being about your bridesmaids you may not be too happy.

5)Be Clean- For REAL this is the biggest pet peeve of Bridal Consultants. Shave your arm pits at the very least. Most wedding dresses don't have sleeves! No one wants to see your pit hair when you're trying on your dress. Shower and make sure to wear appropriate underwear as well! No g-strings PLEASE!

6) Make an Appointment- Don't just plan to walk into a Bridal Shop on any day, epically a weekend, and be able to try on dresses. Call ahead and make sure they can fit you in. If you don't make an appointment don't get pissed off if they see people who came in after you before they see you, those people probably have an appointment.

7) Shoes - Make sure you either bring a pare of shoes with the size heal you plan to wear or let the shop put you into a pare. Don't go barefoot. Most Bridal Salons also do alterations which means small pins!!!

8) Hair - Bring a hair tie if you plan to wear your hair up. That way you can get a little fuller picture of what you will look like in the full bridal attire.

9) Deck it OUT!!!- Go all out when trying on dresses. Try on the veils, tiaras, combs, and jewelry. If you're going to wear some special jewelry or you mothers veil bring it with you. You want your whole look to be flawless.

10) Be Happy - Remember that we are all human, even your Bridal Consultant. Everyone at the Bridal Salon wants you to look and feel amazing on your wedding day. Yes we do want to sell you a dress, but it is more important that you be happy. Also don't be a Bitch. The more willing you are to work with us the more we can help you.

Smarter and the Average Puppy

2011-02-23T23:00:00.002-06:00

I know everyone thinks this but I have an amazing a smart 22 week old puppy. Tonight after 8 weeks of class my little Rosey graduated. She can do this so fast and learns as if her little brain is a sponge. She can sit, stay, and get herself out of a metal dog crate in less than one minute. Yes I said less than one minute. Rosey has discovered that 1) she does not like metal dog crates and 2) that she can get out of them even when they are locked. This realization has lead us to a few conclusions.

Rosey should never be put in a metal crate. She can escape too fast and well what is the point if she can escape. So we shall be using a plastic crate. She has not learned how to get out of the plastic one yet.

She is highly intelligent. My family has had many Bernese Mountain Dogs in the past and none of them have ever figured out how to get out of the metal crate.

The final realization. Rosey is smarter than the average puppy.

Money: to do what you love or what makes money?

2011-02-03T22:05:00.003-06:00

For many year now I have struggled with a major question. Do I do the work I love or do the work that will make me money?

This started for me when I was in college and started looking into ministry. I know that minister don't make a lot of money in the UMC. I weighed the pros and cons of going into the ministry and it always came out that no matter what it paid I would be happier as a minister than doing something I did not love.

After leaving the ministry I started looking for jobs. I looked at first only for jobs I knew I would enjoy, but after a year of that not working I decided to go with what I could get. I started my work with ACS and learned to dread going into work everyday. I was helping people, which I love doing, but most of the time I would get yelled at or cussed out at least 1 time a day. In December my job at ACS ended. I was relieved and stressed at the same time.

Again I was faced with the question of finding a job that made money or trying to find something I would love. I have found something I love. Yes it is only part time. It is a little higher than minimum wage, but I make commission as well now. My goal with commission right now is to get it so that I am making $9.00 a hour, but I want to get up to $15 so that I can be making a little over what someone on minimum wage would make in a 40 hour week.

Now I am facing a question of trying to find another part time or full time position. I am getting paid money and can pay my bills, but how long can I get away with only making part time pay? I want to find something else I will enjoy. My family does not understand that because they want me to make money. To get out of debt, I have a lot of school loans to pay back. So now I ask the question again. Do I wait and find something I love or do I take a job that will bring in more money.

Who Will Love Me For Me?

2011-01-30T23:07:00.003-06:00

The past week I keep turning on the radio in my car and hearing this wonderful song. "Love Me" by JJ Heller. The chorus goes: "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? 'Cause nobody has shown me what love what love really means".

The words go through my head over and over again through the day and I cannot stop thinking about the new community I have become a part of. The Peak UMC is a place that I was invited to visit back in April when I was getting ready to move back to NC. A long time friend and mentor Kay Coole told me that I should just come and check it out and visit her. How could I say no to Kay since I had not seen her in probably 4 years.

I will not lie I was afraid to walk in the first day because Peak is a United Methodist Church and I had not set foot in a service at a UMC since everything happened with Chapelwood in Texas. I slowly walked into the church and into a new life in the UMC.

Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I have become. The people at Peak opened their hearts and arms to me. A few have known me for 15+ years and caught up with me. A few people cried with me and shared my hurt of everything that happened in Texas. Pastor Tim encouraged me to slowly step back up and re find myself as a layperson and a minister. The people who run the youth ministry at the church met with me as did the youth. I was able to step up in a helper role in youth ministry. I love the youth and the other leaders. The music minister at the church asked me once a month until I was ready if I could join the praise band. Al was very gentle in his persuasion of getting me to sing again. I was finally able to step up and sing in front of a church again last Sunday. I have found a home and a community of love. At this point in my journey I know this is God's way of helping me to heal and someday maybe I'll be able to be a minister again.

I hear the final lyrics of JJ Heller's song every time I think about Peak.

"I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become. I will love you for you. I will give you the love, the love that you never knew"

Dreams Change

2011-01-26T13:01:00.002-06:00

In the past month I have started to think about marriage. More or less the wedding part. Growing up I always dreamed of a big fluffy white dress, a long veil, sparkly teria, and the handsome prince waiting for me at the end of a long church ail. I always had my father walking me down the ail and lifting my veil to give me my last kiss as a single person. My mother would always be smiling or crying as she saw me walk towards my future husband. The flowers of white and big usually roses. Yes I somehow remember all of this.

Over the years my dream has changed. I still dream of a church wedding with my Pastor Tim officiating the service. A small gathering of family and friends. My father will still walk me down the ail and I know my mother will smile. My groom will think I am beautiful.

The hardest part about all of this is I now know this will probably not happen. Today my mother told me I have no wedding money. I will have to pay on my own. She wants me to get married at the beach house she and my father bought last year. Needless to say I am crushed. I don't want big, flashy, and crazy. I wanted small, sweet, and laid back. I know I will find a way to have this, but I also know I will have to let some of my dream go.

You'll Love Davids Bridal!

2011-01-12T19:57:00.003-06:00

So After about a month of searching for a new job I have become a Bridal Consultant at none other than Davids Bridal. For many of you this may be a place where you have gotten a wedding gown or a bridesmaid dress in the past. Those wonderful women who helped you find that perfect fit and look as Bridal Consultants and Gown Specialists

As I am still in training I have only worked with one bride so far, but I have a few more this week. There is so much to learn, see, experience and do as a member of the Davids Bridal team. Today I got my list of clients and made calls to let them know I will be taking them over as clients. I got to talk to a few Brides, but for the most part I left messages or the numbers were disconnected.

So I guess what I am really saying is if you are in the Durham, NC area and getting married, going to prom, or have a special occasion coming up come on over to Davids Bridal and visit me.

New Years Resolution

2010-12-31T11:52:00.003-06:00

So I am not one to usually make resolutions when a year ends, but this year I feel I need to do that.

My New Years Resolution is to decide what I want to do with my life and take steps to get there. Why? Because this year has been full of me searching for and working at jobs that I have hated. I have not found the fulfillment I had when I was in ministry in any job I have had this year.

My year in Review:
I started this year working and living in Texas. I worked for a Medical Research Consultant going over medical files for legal cases.
In March I met and got unofficially engaged to James Wolfkill. (total mistake on my part)
April James got put in jail and I figured out just how much he had stolen from me.
May 1st I moved back to NC
May I started looking for jobs and auditioned for Godspell and reconnected with Emily, Elizabeth, and Erin
June and July I had practice for Godspell (I played Robin) and search for jobs
August I got two jobs. 1) Baker at Cake Shop, 2) Teach Support for ACS
September I spent all my time working
October I helped throw a Baby shower for Emily and worked
November I had my 28th Birthday, met John (my boyfriend), and started having issues with the way things were done at ACS
December lost my job at ACS and started looking for work again.

Meet Rosey!

2010-11-25T07:22:00.003-06:00

I never thought I would love 2 am so much as I do when I hear a little bark or howl from the crate that sits close to my bed.

Rosey came into me and my brothers life in a wonderful and unexpected way. We have been looking for a rescue dog for about two months now and David just could not get over wanting a Bernese Mountain Dog. We found two other rescue ones before Rosey but they both fell through. Two weeks ago a person from the Bernese Mountain Dog Club of the Blue Ridge Mountains sent out a plee for a home for a 8 week old puppy. Rosey needed a home with no stairs and a back yard where she can play and run and be safe. She has what is call hip Dyspepsia.

So here we are two weeks later with 8 week old Rosey being the love of our lives. She is funny, sweet, and has her own little personality.

For Realz

2010-11-02T22:31:00.002-05:00

First off Happy Wear a Dress Voting Day!

So for the past month I have been working towards becoming a full agent at my job. After fighting myself on learning to sell things over the phone I am coming out of my month of learning lab. What is amazing about this for me is that I am not only graduating for a full agent, but I will get a $140 bonus this month for my sales and my customer service!!! For Real I have made it and I am getting extra.

As I got all excited about it this weekend someone of my friends call me out on the way I say "for real." Apparently it comes out "For Realz!" I laughed my butt off as they then began to quote the section at the beginning of the I like Big Butts song. To make you see how funny this is, the people doing it are guys. Not only just guys but guys who are all about being manly and big and bad. It cracked me up to no end. They called me a total valley girl and I could not believe how funny I thought it all was.

So Like Totally For Realz I Graduated!

Working Woes

2010-10-08T10:40:00.002-05:00

Well I made it. I am not working on the floor as a Sprint Teach Support Service Specialist. Needless to say I am still in training just a different type. Learning Lab is a place where new agents work and have a little extra support. This may sound good, but here are my woes.

I have a new Supervisor. She is kind of crazy. She wants us to graduate Learning Lab by the 15th, of this month! Learning Lab is a 30 day process and that is only 15 days. Second if sales scores are not above red by next week I'll get written up. Sales is not our number 1 or 2 priority. The worse of all is my new schedule lets me spend zero time with family and friends. I work 2pm-10:30 get home and try to unwind which takes a few hours and then sleep 8 or 9 hours a night. Thus I get up shower get a few things done and go back to work.

However, there are a few good things. I have 100% IR, customer service and I earned 50 sales points last night.

Almost There!

2010-09-28T12:21:00.002-05:00

First off happy WDT everyone!

Since August 23rd I have been in training for my new job as Sprint Technical Support. This has been trying as I have had to sit in a classroom for around 8 hours a day. To make matters worse I have the same trainer for all 8 hours, but they did change trainers on us two weeks ago, which is good and bad. So I have 4 more days of training to go. Saturday I start the first part of my job on the floor. I am so excited to move on to the next phase of this job. To make this transition even better, my new trainer has recommended me to become a trainer or mentor to new people!

OK my other almost there moment is I will finally get a new phone tomorrow. I have hit my 2 year mark and am eligible for a new phone if I sign on with Verizon again. I know I know I work for Sprint, but not really. I work for a company called ACS and I get the same discount with Verizon as Sprint and I like Verizon. So Tomorrow I get to go to the store and pick out a brand new phone, I am thinking the LG Android phone.

New Job and Perks

2010-08-26T23:10:00.002-05:00

The HTC EVO

One of the many perks of my new job is getting to play with phones like this while I am supposed to be learning how to trouble shoot Sprint phones.

Two weeks ago I interview and was offered a job at ACS as a customer service agent for their Sprint campaign. ACS is a Fortune 500 company that is part of the Xerox corporation. As a part of the Sprint campaign I will be trouble shooting all Sprint phones and devices. Which also means great savings on Sprint plans and phones. As a non-Sprint person I was like what can I do with this. I found out I also get discounts with Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobil. How cool is that? The perks keep going and going. Right now I am in training in a class for 32 days. Then I will be out on the floor trouble shooting in another type of training for 60 days. ACS really wants to make sure we have the best training possible so that we will succeed. The only somewhat bad part about the job is the hours, 3pm-12am.

Back in the Swing of Things

2010-08-20T10:31:00.002-05:00

I feel like life is coming back together for me. I start working as a customer service agent at ACS on Monday. I'll be working 40 hours a week. The other great thing is I am going to be getting back into the ministry as a volunteer. My churches youth group has asked me to step up and help out. This is very exciting for me as I already love the youth I have meet and have missed being in ministry.

Last Vacation For A While

2010-08-16T18:11:00.002-05:00

This past weekend I got to spend some amazing time at my parents new beach house. My mom and I took off early Saturday morning for Topsail Island on the coast of North Carolina. We spent the morning cleaning the house and then headed out the back door to our beach yard. Yes our back yard at the house is the beach. Gotta love hearing the waves at all times. As we sat, swam, and sunned I began to just enjoy the fact that this was my place. I have always loved the beach and enjoyed going with family, friends, and church groups over the years. Now I have a place that I can go to any time I want, when it is not rented.

I have claimed a room at the house as my own. It is full of light houses. For me I have always thought of light houses as a symbol of God. Lighting our way to the safe places and guiding us on our way.

OK so back to the beach part. On the beach in front of our place is a turtle nest! We will be having baby turtles sometime in the middle of September. Sadly I will not be able to be there. I got a new job last week at a call center doing customer service. I don't have two days in a row off unless I take a day off. So this weekend was my last real vacation for a while. I found out that the crabs will eat the turtle eggs. It made me sad. Then Rocky started chasing the crabs all over the beach. I told him he is now on baby turtle nest security.

Sunday a family friend and our vet brought her kids out and we flew kites. I have not done that since I was probably 8 years old. It was so much fun, but my bright red legs are now telling me I should have reapplied more often. We went to eat and then just hung out the rest of the night. Mom and I headed home around 5 am today. I am going to miss the beach.

Theam Song

2010-08-09T21:52:00.000-05:00

The past few week, day, well months I have been feeling so defeated. I decided I needed a theam song to make me feel better. So here it is. I will keep going and God will get me through this.

Alone Time

2010-07-31T14:18:00.003-05:00

As I have been out of my parents house for almost ten years before my return in May I had many times alone to think, sleep, play, pray, ect. Now that I am back home I am realizing just how much I loved those times. The times when it was just me and the dog(s). The days when I could just relax and take times to myself to go over everything that was going on in my life or just sit and watch tv all day without interruption from anyone. Now I would given anything for a day to myself. Time to think, feel, or just relax without someone else in the house. Every Friday I get half a day of my alone time as everyone is working until my grandfather gets home from volunteering at 1pm. I have found that Fridays are my favorite day because I do get my alone time. Get me on this I am a totally extrovert, but I do have introvert tendencies. I love being around people, but come on we all need some alone time.

Prayer and Rememberance

2010-07-21T15:12:00.003-05:00

As most of you know I am in a production of Godspell. Our first performance is tomorrow night at 8pm. These past two weeks have been hard on everyone in the play with rehearsals until after 10 pm and all day practice Saturday. As everyone is a little on edge last nights practice took a turn for the worse. Our Jesus could not remember most of his line and ended up kind of throwing a little fit. Everyone was shocked and well we kept trying to go on as best we could. At the end of practice last night I asked if I could pray for our group. I prayed for our strength, rest, and being able to remember all our lines, songs, and dances.

As I prayed I began to cry. I began to remember how much I loved praying over groups of people in a church. How prayer can being me so close to God. I really do miss being in ministry. Working with people and helping them in their faith journey is my calling. Now I just have to figure out how I can do that and be happy again.

Godspell and interviews

2010-07-17T21:57:00.002-05:00

For the past few weeks my life has felt like I have, well, no life. All my time has been consumed by practice for Godspell and preparing for interviews. I am finally getting interviews, so please understand I am not complaining.

Godspell start on the 22 so it is less than 7 days away. It is amazing and freaky at the same time. This past week I have been at practice every night from 7-10pm. I proved once again how clumsy I can been by falling up the risers on the stage. Yes I said up the risers. Yet, I am loving being part of something big right now.

Interviews are going well. I have had three in the past three weeks. All at Duke or Duke affiliated places. Every one for very different positions. I am enjoying getting to improve my interview skills, but am getting tired of interviewing. It feels like I will never get a job at times. Yet, I know there will be something eventually.

It's a Girl!!!!

2010-07-07T18:36:00.003-05:00

So excited for my friends Emily and Brian. Today I got the long awaited for news. Their baby is a girl. Emily is due on Thanksgiving, so up until now we have called the baby butterball. We also got the amazing news that the baby is healthy and does not have spina bifida. What a wonderful day! Now I get to go baby girl shopping and plan what I know will be the most amazing baby shower ever.

Living With Mistakes

2010-07-01T16:20:00.002-05:00

Today I received another reminder of the mistakes I made in Texas. I got the first bill for my wedding dress. Unfortunately I used the money I made selling the dress to pay my last months rent at my old place, so I had to ask for help. That was not easy for me. I had to finally tell my parents I had bought a wedding dress and what had happened to it. All my mom could say is that she was happy to help pay off the dress because she would not be helping me pay for a divorce and recover from that since I left my ex.

How did I deserve a family that would be so accepting of my mistakes. Only God know how many I would make in my life and somehow put me with the right parents.

Three Things I Pray

2010-06-19T21:10:00.002-05:00

This summer I have been involved in the musical Godspell. It is a production between a few different UMC churches in my home town. I am playing the role of Robin, who sings Day By Day and is the first to really accept Jesus as who he really is. It has been fun getting to be around other people who love music and acting as much as I do. I have not done a play or musical since I was in college and now I am finding that I should not have stopped. Enjoyment and love do not even show how much I feel about being a part of something like Godspell again.

So I have been contemplating my character this past week. Who is Robin? I know from the script that Robin is a tomboy and the first to accept Jesus for who he is, but there is more to Robin. She is strong, outgoing, and loving. As I started to think about these and other attributes of Robin I began to see how much I have in common with my character. However, there is one things I wish I were more like Robin in. I want to pray like Robin and believe like her. My prayer are so complicated at time. In the song Day By Day Robin prays for three things.

1) To see God more clearly
2) Love God more dearly
3) Follow God more nearly

I want my prayer to be that simple. I want to be that simple. I know that Robin is just a charter made up by Stephen Schwartz, but she is a role model to me in her prayer. I wonder if Schwartz based the character of Robin on someone he knew?

The Stink!

2010-06-07T20:31:00.002-05:00

Ok let me start off by saying I really don't like sermons on Graduate Celebration Sunday. Yesterday was just such a Sunday. However, for the first time in a long time I actually found the sermon interesting. It was entitled JOY! I was like ok this is going to be interesting. Let me just say I was totally right.

Miss Laura (Rev. Laura Early) was visiting preacher. She is an interesting character herself, so one know that any sermon she gives is going to be different. Let me just say I felt like I was back in a cowboy church is Texas. She stood up at the front with her cowboy boots and her robe. It was so cute. So now that I have set the scene here is the story. Laura started with stories about what her horses taught her. One taught her to hold on tight, one taught her that sometime you gotta let go and let God, and another taught her about The Stink.

The Stink was my favorite illustration of all. Laura has this horse she loves to watch. Everyday he comes out of his stable and breaths in the air. He takes his time just enjoying life. However, that is not the best part about him. This horse takes massive poops. Laura said in the winter you can see them steam and even smell the nasty stink. The horse does not care about his massive poops. He just moves around them and walks away. Laura said this is what we need to do more in life. We get into some type of stink and then we usually look at it, call our friends to see it and gossip about it. Rather than doing these things we need to walk away just like her horse.

So I ask you. What is the stink you need to get away from?

Christmas In May

2010-05-31T21:36:00.004-05:00

My family has been involved for many years with Bernese Mountain Dogs and clubs that support them. We even helped form a club here in North Carolina. The Blue Ridge Bernese Mountain Dog Club has come a far way in the years since it started. However, we still have many traditions like Christmas in May.

This weekend my mom and I took off for Christmas in May picnic. We of course took one of our Bernese Mountain Dogs, Morgen, and my little Pomeranian, Rocky A.K.A. the Berner want to be. We took two White Elephant presents for the gift exchange and I found a huge stuffed Bernese Mountain Dog at Target for the raffle. I had not been able to go to one of our Berner days in a long time so it was interesting to meet the new people and reconnect with the ones I already knew. Morgen of course was her normal sweet as can be self, while Rocky finally realized he was not top dog. We had a good time having fun with the dogs and playing games. We ate good food, I brought a chocolate cheesecake. We came away from the raffle with a Duke dog leash, an "I love my Bernese Mountain Dog" car magnet, and homemade dog treats. From the White elephant exchange we came home with a $15 gift card to Pet Smart and a real looking chipmunk toy.

The highlight of the day for me though was the meeting. I knew how boring am I. The Bernese Mountain Dog Club of America (BMDCA) has finally recognized our little club and we are real! Secondly BMDCA has asked all regional clubs to have a person in charge of getting medical information about research foundations that are working to help Bernese Mountain Dogs and all breeds. This include Histo, which is a form of cancer my family has lost 3 dogs to. The exciting part for me was being elected as the regional person in charge of the medical research. I now get to help other people and dogs in a new and different way.

"You Are NOT Alone"..... God

2010-05-24T22:53:00.002-05:00

Over this past week I have felt very alone. Change that over this past month. So much has happened in my life. I have moved back home, been diagnosed with a disease I will deal with the rest of my life, searched for jobs daily, and lost someone that mattered more than anything in the world to me and that I had not even met.

As all this has come upon me I have felt more and more alone. Then I started getting this feeling that God was telling me I am not alone. I have reconnected with Emily, a girl from high school. We disliked each other very much in high school and now we are hanging out and talking like best friends. I have been in contact with another person who is awaiting her diagnosis of the same disease I have. I pray she does not have it, yet I don't see how she cannot have it. Finally, this past week two of my favorite shows had the same topic. The same thing happening to the two main characters as happened to me last week. I know it is just TV, but I felt like God was using these shows to tell me I am not alone in this. God has been giving me these friendships and these shows to tell me and show me just how Loved I am by the God who has known me since before I was born.

College Friend Weekend

2010-05-23T20:41:00.002-05:00

This weekend I decided to head up to Asheville and spend time with some college friends. I got to stay with my best friend from college, Elizabeth. She has this adorable little house in Black Mountain.

We started out the weekend by having a girls night. We dressed up and went into Asheville and had dinner at Carrabba's. Then we went and delivered brownies to her boyfriend and the guys playing poker. We rented movies and watched TV. It was such a good night.

Saturday we put up a fence in her dogs enclosure, which I might add did not work. We got a phone call in the middle of our work from Jennifer. She was on her way to Mars Hill for her sister-in-laws ordination the next day. She wanted to meet us for lunch. So we all went out for lunch and I got to meet her new boyfriend Mike. Elizabeth and I then watched one of the movies we rented. We meet with Alicia and Ben and went to coffee around 8 pm. Then finished out night walking around Downtown Asheville with Brandon and Aaron, Elizabeth's boyfriend and his brother.

Today We went to church. Then had subway, a tradition going back to college. Finally we went back to her house and watched our other movie before I had to go home.

Conclusions from this weekend. I miss my friends, but loved spending time with them. I am enjoying being back in North Carolina and cannot tell you how much I love it here. Finally I am going to be good and eventually go back into ministry.

Baptist, Methodist, UCC

2010-05-14T18:54:00.002-05:00

As I am now staying at home and not having to worry about too many bills, rent, or food I can spend time figuring out my life. This for me means taking the next year off from ministry and finding a denomination that will support me in ministry. As I am back in North Carolina I am finding this a little harder. First off I am not Texas Baptist anymore and will not be licensed at the end of this summer. Second I am living in a house with my Grandfather, who is die hard Methodist. Third I have no clue what I am doing, I just know I am called.

So my first step was to meet with the soon to be ordained Rev. Owen Barrow. He is a good friend of mine who is associated pastor at my families church. We sat down and talked about everything that happened in Texas. My finally decision that if I am to stay Methodist I am going deacon track. Then how staying Methodist is probably not the best idea. I do not have the best file and it is going to be difficult if not impossible to ever be ordained because of my file. Yes I have been shown my file and it is not good. So the next thing out of Owen's mouth was "how do you feel about Congregationalist Baptists?" I kind of looked at him stupid and said I was sure no Baptists in North Carolina ordained women. Well they do! I explained to Owen that I did not agree with the theology totally. Then we went through the other big denominations and I said I have been thinking about UCC. This shocked Owen as he did not know I was as lgbtq friendly as I am.

Now over the past two days I have been doing research on the UCC congregations in my area. Sadly most of them are not involved in the "God Still Speak" campaign and are not open congregations. The closest one that I liked from the web page is in Chapel Hill, a 30-40 min drive. Then today I was on facebook and saw a post by Bridget about becoming a fan of The Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists . I asked her about it and got information and found a cool liturgical congregation just one town away. I also then checked out the Congregationalist Baptists and decided on checking out two different congregations right here by me.

Now here is the questions Baptist, Methodist, or UCC?

You Can Go Home Again

2010-05-06T16:18:00.002-05:00

For many years I have made one statement; I will never go home again to live. I have even gone as far as to keep myself in Houston for 5 months living off my savings earlier this year because I could not get a job. Now here I am living back in North Carolina with my family. So far it is not too bad. I have reconnected with two friends from high school, who I had not talked to in almost 8 years. I have been interviewing almost every day for jobs. Just trying to keep myself busy so that I don't miss Texas too much. The best part of being home is I got to spend my dad's birthday with him yesterday. I have not done that in many years and he was very happy to have me around.

When it rains, it pours

2010-04-22T15:09:00.002-05:00

The past week and a half I have heard this saying a lot about my life. When it rains, it pours!

Starting last Monday I found out James had stolen money from me. I called him out on it and he flipped and ended up hurting his hand and getting himself put in jail.

Thursday I got a call from my temp agency telling me that permanent job offer I had been offered the week before had been taken back by the agency. Thus I lost my job, because I could not do anymore temp hours for the company.

Friday my family and I decided that I only had one choice. I am moving back to North Carolina next Thursday. I am starting to become ok with this.

Today my car would not start. I took it to the shop and now I will be spending $1300, that I don't have, to replace the ignition, the belt, and the cooling fan!

Usually I don't like using saying unless they refer to God's Blessing. However in my life this past week and a half, When it rains it will pour!

How to Save a Life

2010-04-13T21:54:00.002-05:00

So just for starter James and I broke up. I will not put all the horrible details on here but feel free to message me on facebook and I'll let you know. I count this number who knows what on my life saving campaign.

Ever since I was a small child my family has teased me about taking in lost animals, hurting people, and causes that need support. My mom calls this my "how to save a life campaign." I have always wanted to help people and I guess that explains part of my calling into ministry. As a young child I was friends with people who no one else wanted to be friends with. I would bring hurt frogs, birds, and well whatever I could find home with me to try and save. This to my parents became quite annoying. As I grew up I continued to do many of the same things. I was friends with people who did not have friends. Instead of bringing home animals I volunteered. I also added a new thing as a teen, dating guys who had problems. I guess I always though that in some way I could help them. I dated drug addicts, alcoholics, people with family issues, or just issues in general. This caused me to forgive many things people did to me. I gave so many chances and tried never to give up. In college I did the same thing. Became friends with people no one wanted to be friends with and dated guys who were totally wrong with me. In Seminary I started with the animals again. I brought home two dogs. Onyx now lives with a cousin of mine who I gave her to and Lynn who died last year. Since moving to Houston I have adopted my share of people who need help. Friends and acquaintances. I thought I was done with dating guys who were totally wrong with me. Haha I guess not. So now I ask how do I save a life without hurting myself in the process?

Parents Visit and Sweet 16

2010-04-01T21:51:00.002-05:00

Gotta love having the parents visit when there is a Duke Game.

Last weekend my parents came down from NC to visit me and James. They had been planing this for a while and none of us had any clue that Duke would make the Sweet 16 or Elite Eight.

As Luck would have it Duke did make the games in Houston, of all places. My mom made a call to my grandfathers best friend, an Iron Duke and got us tickets in row 42. Which was really close to the court action.

Unfortunately for me I ended up in the ER the day of the Duke Sweet 16 game and could not go ( I hate really bad kidney infection). So mom, dad, and James got to spend some quality time together. Luckily to say they LOVE James now!

Sunday I got to go to the Game against Baylor. We had a complete blast watching Duke win. All of us had a great day. Mom and I ended up going out to dinner with one of my mom's old co-workers. James and dad ate pizza and wings at home and to top that off James asked for my hand in marriage!

I have the best Boyfriend

2010-03-24T19:59:00.003-05:00

Let me first mention that my parents are coming into town for a visit tonight. They will be staying from tonight until Monday. As I got ready for my usual cleaning ritual before the parents get here I started to have immense pain in my lower back. I decided to ignore it and press on. That was yesterday. Today I was in so much pain that I tried to do work, quite doing work, took a bubble bath, and finally decided to call my PCP and ended up at an urgent care. As I was in so much pain James decided that he would clean for me! He did such a good job and is trying really hard to keep me comfortable until my pain pill kicks in. He ordered Chinese, cleaned the whole apartment, walked Rocky, and even drove with me to the pharmacy. I gotta love a man who will do all that!

Knock on the Door

2010-03-15T17:28:00.002-05:00

The past two weeks have been a complete and total blur. I answered my door two weeks ago to a guy selling magazines. However, he never even got his sales pitch out. All he could say was "Hi my names is James, and you're amazingly beautiful." I just about drooped dead. He told me he was going around meeting people in the neighborhood. I just kept thinking that this guy better live in Houston and be single. We stood outside my apartment talking for three hours that day and have not left each others side since, unless it was forced for work and such. James and I have been together for over two weeks now and loving every minute of it.

James decided that he wants to settle down and get his life a little more straight. We have spent the last week in Dallas and he is moving back to Houston with me tomorrow. We have decided that we are going to move to Dallas in a few weeks because I can do my work from Dallas and it will be easier for him to get a job there.

Church Questioning and Answers

2010-02-14T21:14:00.003-06:00

Over the past few weeks I have had a lot of questions come to me about my church choice. These came from me and from a few friends. Why am I Baptist? Can a woman be a minister? What about infant baptism as a Chaplain?

For a while I thought about these questions on my own and talk with my mom about my conclusions. First off I am Baptist because I like the church, the pastor, the mission, and the singles group. Second I had not seen a woman do anything in the church service so I had no clue if women were even allowed to do anything in the service. Third I need to ask my pastor about infant baptism and if it is not possible for me to do I probably need a new denomination.

Now today I had a few questions asked at church. I joined the choir last week and had to go to a different service today. Yes, I can be a woman and do things in service and even be a minister. Another answer can up to be yes as well. I can do infant baptism as a Baptist Hospital Chaplain. I have now come to the conclusion that I am in the right place for me. Maybe I will someday feel the need to change denominations, but for now I am happy as a Texas Baptist.

Proud of the Saints, but Peyton Manning is my MVP

2010-02-07T23:05:00.002-06:00

As a person living in Houston, Texas, I have become friends with many people from New Orleans. I have watch Saints games, and been supportive of my friends. Tonight as a support for them I cheered on the Saints against the Colts. I just hope that the Win tonight brings about some good change on mind in New Orleans.

However, as proud of the Saints as I am Peyton Manning will always be my MVP. Why is this since I am a die hard Steelers fan and this year have been cheering for the Saints with my friends? About 7 years ago Peyton Manning befriended a young teenage girl with terminal brain cancer. This girl was sweet, loving, fun, and well one of the most amazing people everyone who ever meet her knew. Her name was Allison and she was/is my cousin. Allison and her family love the Colts, epically Paton! During her last year and a half alive Peyton agreed to meet Allison and he became a friend of hers. This never astonished me, since I knew what an inspirational person Allison was. He encouraged Allison to keep fight for the rest of her life. Allison died in September 2004. So to tonight Peyton Manning may not have been named MVP at the Superbowl, but he will always be MVP in my book for what he did for Allison.

Beliefs, are they right or wrong?

2010-02-04T22:22:00.002-06:00

Tonight I set out for a friends dinner at a local Mexican restaurant and I found myself in the mist of a conversation on beliefs. This I must say was not my fault totally, but I also did not stop it. A man who is in the older singles class and I have started to become friends and he finally decided to ask me what Seminary was like. I probably started this off wrong with saying I went to a school of Theology. I also came straight out and told him it was probably more liberal than he would expect since I was Methodist when I went to seminary. At this point he looked straight at me and ask how liberal. Again not being able to keep my mouth shut I told him about some of the classes I took like Biomedical Pastoral Ethics. Hahaha, I was digging a hole. He asked about situations I had been given in my pastoral care classes and I could only think of the one I loved the most. It was a situation where I was placed as a pastor of a church that was somewhat conservative in their thinking about homosexuality and a homosexual couple came to me asking to baptise their adopted child. I just completely dug that hole to China. He asked about my feeling about homosexual people being allowed in church and I said it was a good thing. Than he asked me about child baptism. I told him I agreed with it and that I was raised in a denomination where it was done. I guess I might as well have just dug the hole thought the ozone layer and now I am out in space. He then told me I was wrong and that he thought he could change my mind. Yeah Right!!!!! I guess you could say I might not be baptist anymore if my thoughts get out.

Sinus Infection from .......

2010-01-29T22:26:00.001-06:00

So nothing to interesting has been going on in my life because I have literally locked myself in the new apartment. I seem to think that by staying inside my sinus infection will go away. To date this has not worked, but neither have the two antibiotics I have been on this past month. I have come to decided this is all to blame on the fact that I am allergic to Cipro or that fact that my insurance will not pay for anything but urgent care, and well we all know urgent care. Now I am not saying that urgent care is not a good place to go, but come on two antibiotics and a month of a sinus infection and I am still suffering. Also can I just say I am eating almost nothing now because I am too tired from not being able to sleep. Sorry to fuss, but I am just so tired right now.

To Apply or Not to Apply

2010-01-19T21:15:00.002-06:00

As most of you know I have been out of the ministry now for almost 6 months. In this time I have struggled to find a job, stay on my feet, keep living my life normally, and finally found a job. Now I am at a strange turning point. I am wanting to be back in ministry. I am still healing from the scars of this past year, but feel like God is telling me I need to go back into ministry. I am doing ministry in a couple different ways right now as a representative on the single adult board at my church, co-coordinating Third Thursday Westend Food Pantry, and just little things I am doing in everyday life.

However, In all of this I have felt so many things missing. I still desire to be a hospital chaplain, I desire to work with children, and I miss being in ministry all the time. I decided to check out a few things on the ACPE (association for clinical pastoral education) and saw that there are a lot of opening for next year. I talked to my pastor for a moment before church and he said to use him as my denominational reference since he will be the one licensing me for ministry. So the big question is: do I apply or not?

Working from Home?!?!

2010-01-14T19:23:00.002-06:00

So as I told everyone in my last blog I got a new job. I have finished my training and I am now working from home. The only question is whether or not this is going to be good for me. I love being able to be around Rocky all day, take my 15 min breaks to just go out walking, and love the freedom I feel I am getting. The only problem is the freedom. Yes freedom is a good and bad thing. My full first day at home I work up with a horrible migraine and could barely get up. So I data mined 300 pages and went back to bed for a few hours as my medication set in. Now I did end up working for seven hours that day, but did not do nearly as much as I did when I was working in the office. It seems this being able to not be as productive as I was at work has started to be a trend. I have gotten all my hours in, but I just feel like I am not as productive.

As for the new apartment it is wonderful and I will post pictures as rooms become unpacked and arranged.

New Years Resoultuions and New Apartments

2010-01-01T19:13:00.003-06:00

First off let me tell you I got this from my wonderful friend Sarah. I have not made a resolution in a few years. This year after reading Sarah's blog and hearing things on the radio (KSBJ my Christian Station) I decided it was time to take the plunge. My resolution is to focus more on myself and my happiness and worry less. I know this is like totally selfish but here goes my reasoning. Over the past few years I have not been putting enough effort into really looking after myself. My way of fixing this is 1) Move out of my apartment, 2) start seeing a counselor once I get my new benefits from my new job, 3) volunteer for an organization I care about, 4) focus on what makes me happy. I may not be able to do all these things, but my goal is to at least concurre three of them this year.

Lets start with Goal 1. I am moving again! Craziness, but it needed to happen. My roommate is getting married and I find that living here although nice, has reminded me of why I need to continue to move on. I signed a lease agreement yesterday on a new apartment. It is two bed, two bath apartment that is decent sized. Why two bedrooms? One is going to become my office/book space. I am starting training for a full time job on Monday. Yes, I am already working for the company, but they are now training me to be completely hired on full time instead of being a temp! I will be working from home, so I needed a space just to my work and, well as all people who have gone to Candler know, the alarming amount of books I have. This is also going to serve as a guest bedroom. I move in to my new place next Saturday, so I am completely thrill. As I see it Goal one shall be concurred as of next weekend!

Now if I can only start thinking about ways to get those other three parts of my New Years Resolution done.

The New Light of Christmas

2009-12-27T22:13:00.003-06:00

This year Christmas was a very strange time for me. I usually have a list of things to tell family and friends what I want when they ask me. This year I just could not bring myself to tell anyone my list before Christmas. It contains two things 1) Getting a full time job 2) Being with my family for Christmas. Well needless to say I got gift number one the week before Christmas! I started work the Monday before Christmas for MRC (Medical Research Consultants). I am a full time temp for one month and then they are hiring me full time. It is very different from what I thought I would be doing, but I like the work. Now as for gift number 2. I was not able to go back to NC for Christmas. However, I did spend the evening with two of my friends, talked with my parents, brother, grandfather, and my cousin Annette. It ended up being a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas Eve was very strange and hard for me though. I thought about not going to church because I knew it would be full of families, people would look at me strange and I would more than likely cry. Well two of those were true. It was full of families and I did cry, but no one looked at me strange. At first I was sitting in a pew all by myself and think about my family, yes this caused crying. The next thing I knew this huge and I mean huge family piled into the pew with me. The oldest teenage son sat next to me. At first I could tell he was uncomfortable sitting next to a young woman who was tearing up a little, but turned and said Merry Christmas. I smiled and said it back. It was at this point that I looked down the row at the family and realized that I kind of fit in. It was funny. They were all either brown or blond hair and I kind of looked his mom. The kid and I both laughed a little as I think we realized this at the same time. Then I began to think as a the service started that I was with family. I was with all my church family, people who share my faith and love of Christ because who else would show up at 11pm for a church service. As the service ended I looked and the teenager and smiled this big smile. He smiled back and said goodnight. It was wonderful.

What a Year!

2009-12-17T23:47:00.004-06:00

Life never happens as we plan it. Just a year ago I was posting about my interview in Texas and getting what I thought was a job that was going to lead me to my dreams. A year has past and a lot has happened. I am no longer at that job. My dreams while they still play on my heartstrings are changing as am I.

A year ago I was taking my last exam of Seminary. Telling everyone good bye and making plans with my family for a long journey that would bring me to Texas. I left behind my family, my friends and my dog (Lynn). I set out for my journey to begin in Texas.

Where is my journey now? Well parts of it have ended and new parts begun. I am no longer officially in ministry as a career, yet I minister every day. I minister to my roommate, my friends, fellow e&a members, my co-workers, my church singles group and just people I run into and smile at. When people ask me what my old job was I get odd looks now. Many people cannot believe that a person that can hang out and be cool would ever be a minister. When people give me odd looks I just smile and say they may want to check out church again sometime. I have a new job at MRC (medical research consultants). I plan to keep my spirit going there. I am also hoping to teach in middle school sometime in the near future. I have a great new set of friends who have become my family here in Texas. I think the biggest change though it that I love Texas!

My calling and my dream of being a minister are still there. I just have come to the realization that right now is not the right time for me. There is still a lot for me to learn and I need to grow spiritually some more. What that means for me right now is forgiveness, acceptance, and learning to trust again. My plan for that is continue to go to church at Tallowood. I trust that someday when God lets me know I am ready I will have their support to go into hospital chaplaincy. Until then I will continue to minister in my own way everyday.

Exhaustion

2009-12-09T22:14:00.002-06:00

As I sit here after three crazy days of working I wonder if I will make it through the rest of the week. To start off with I do have to say I had a great Sunday off from all forms of work and enjoyed resting and studying. However, I have worked as a Substitute teacher three days this week. I have worked one 7:30-11:30 shift at Bath and Body Works. Which let me tell you getting home at 11:45 to be up by 6am does not work well with me. I have to relax before I can sleep so it was at latest 2 am when I feel asleep. I work again tomorrow at Bath and Body Works as well as host a Karaoke Night for Events and Adventures. Then Friday I work at 9:45 am at Bath and Body Works. I truly love all the jobs I am doing, but can I just have a day to sleep. Three part time jobs is killing me. I don't know how people have a life of doing this type of thing. I REALLY need to find a stable full time job soon.

Not Quite the Same

2009-11-30T01:28:00.002-06:00

As I am starting to feel Christmas and Advent in the air I am realizing it is just not the same this year. Yes the radio stations are playing the music, the stores are all decked out, streets have lights, Santa is in the mall, and the Advent wreath is at the front of the Sanctuary at church, but something is just not right.

That sometime is within me. On Black Friday while I was at work I received a phone call from my mom. When I got off I returned the call to hear here crying. The guys (my Dad and Brother) had left her alone with the Christmas decorations. The tree, the nativity, the ornaments, and her Christmas village were all there for her to put up with no help. As I listened to her I could feel her pain. This is OUR time and it always has been. My mother and I were always the ones to bug my dad and brother to go to the basement and bring up all the boxes. Then we would turn on Christmas music, which drove the guys crazy, and decorate everything. This included me hiding the wise men until after Christmas most years. However, this year it is not OUR time. It is just another reminder that I am far away and cannot be home this Christmas.

Ever since the phone call I just don't feel right. I don't feel Christmas and Advent, I feel hurt. Yet, I still feel love and know it will all be ok.

So I leave you all with this:

I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love

Even more than I usually do

and although I know its a long way back

I promise you

I'll be home for Christmas

You can Count on Me

Please have snow and mistletoe

and present under the tree

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the love light gleams

I'll be home for Christmas

If only in my dreams, if only in my dreams

Evils of Black Friday

2009-11-28T01:10:00.003-06:00

Long Lines, Finding a Parking Spot, Working with Black Friday Shoppers (they are crazy and sometimes down right rude), Having Large boxes of fragrances fall on your foot (bruised/broken toes), Not knowing exactly how to keep you manager happy when you are doing your best.

Need I say More????

Not Quite the Same

2009-11-25T22:35:00.003-06:00

I have been living out what I have dubbed since moving to Texas as "The Dreaded Week." What that means is having my 27th Birthday and Thanksgiving without my family and Candler Friends. However, it is not turning out to be so bad. Last Friday night 25 of my new Events and Adventures friends took me out for dinner at Cafe Adobe (amazing Mexican). We sat around laughing, talking, and just having a good time. I had some drinks, great food, and wore a balloon teria. It was crazy. After dinner me and a few of my friends went out dancing. It was fun, but I am not a big fan of the club we went to.

Now I just have to make it through the next day without breaking down. Thanksgiving has always been a really big day for my family. We get up and have waffles as we watch the parades, cook all day long, watch football, and then have a late dinner. This year is going to be a little strange for me since it is my first away from my family and our routine. This year I still want to get up early and watch the parade and will make pancakes. I will go over to my best friend Xeania's house to enjoy a mid-day Mexican Thanksgiving meal. Then tomorrow night I will host a Thanksgiving dinner at the Hilton Post Oak in a dinning room over looking all the Christmas lights in the Galleria square. I am looking forward to this change, but missing my family something awful.

Wonderful World of Retail Part II

2009-11-17T16:29:00.002-06:00

The demonstration is a big selling point at Bath and Body Works. Studies have shown that they more we give demonstrations the better our sales are. I did not totally believe this until about a week ago.

I have been working cash register since I start at Bath and Body Works about a month ago. Last Wednesday I was pulled off register and asked to work area 1 (the front of the store). That means I had to give demonstrations of our new "Twilight Woods" fragrance. If you have not smelled it yet, you should. It is kind of different. As I went about handing out coupons and giving demonstrations I became more aware of just how imports demonstrations are to stores and to Christians.

The more knowledge I showed about the Bath and Body Works products the more people bought. I brought our conversion rate from 40 to 75 % that night (conversion is the amount of people that enter the store compared to the amount of people that buy). So I started thinking if more Christians would just demonstrate Christ in their lives we would have a lot more Christians. People would be asking questions and getting the answers they needed if we all knew more about our faith. I am not talking about denominational crap, but real facts about what Jesus taught, Paul and the Apostles taught, and how God's grace is really strong enough for all (sorry about the grace reference I am still a little Methodist in my theology). If we all knew more than we could better demonstrate what a real Christian is supposed to be.

Finally Feels Like Fall

2009-11-03T04:53:00.003-06:00

The past few weeks we have had Fall weather on several days. This made me so happy. However, the feeling of Autumn did not come for me until this past week. My friends Exenia and Nubia decided that we needed to go costume shopping to get me out of my little Fall rut. The day was wonderful. We went to many different stores and they were so wonderful. Each of us tried on costume after costume laughing and giggling about how we looked. I had not done anything like that since high school. The last store we went to is where I found my costume. I did not want to try it on and was getting tired of all the shopping ( I dislike shopping very much). However, Xenia made me try the pirate wench costume on and I loved it. It made me feel like Autumn. I think it looked amazing on me, as did the many people on Halloween at the events and adventures party. Everyone talked about how happy have been seeming lately and how I have lost weight. The highlight of the night was seeing the look on my friend Gary's face as he saw me the first time on Halloween night (Gary is next to me in the picture). He is a really good guy and good friend. Seeing him look at me the way I looked at myself that night was wonderful. In some ways it made me think of how God sees me. It was just this look saying; Rachel you have always been Beautiful to me, but now you are seeing it and acting like it yourself and that makes you radiant.

Stay or Go

2009-10-28T23:13:00.002-05:00

As of this morning I was informed that if I do not have a teaching job or full-time job by January I am expected to go home. I have no clue what this means for me, as my mother was in a rush and visiting my Aunt Carrol. So I guess I have a few choices to make in the next two months. So do I keep going as long and as hard as I can, or do I just give up? What happens to all I have here in Texas? How can I start a support system of friends back in NC before I get there so that I don't go crazy?

Fear of Failure

2009-10-20T21:53:00.003-05:00

Over the past two months I have been looking for jobs. I look online, go to job ministries, and even have networked with friends and Emory alumni. The problem is I cannot find a job. I have passed my teachers test, I have been applying like a crazy woman, and all I have to show for my efforts is a part time job at Bath and Body Works.

It is in the past day or two that I have come to a very revealing realization. I am afraid to get a new job. I am afraid I will fail again. Failure is something I don't see as being an options, so therefore in my subconscious I have been not wanting call backs, not wanting people to even look at my application and resume, not wanting to job.

I have one question now

What is wrong with me?

The Wonderful World of Retail: Part I

2009-10-13T01:20:00.002-05:00

So I have a feeling that this is going to only Part I of what is to come of my blogs in the next few weeks.

As a college, and theology school graduate I have found out what every person wanting to help others should do at some point; Work in Retail. Although, like myself, you might have to sit through hours of boring training videos, which I must say was worse than any class at Candler, you will see how you can really help others. You put a smile on your face, act at all times like your happy to be their, and most important put customers first.

Lesson I of working retail:

There is no right way to tell a person you can only use one promotional coupon per transaction. Most people want to get what they want and for the right price. The more you can discount what they want the more they like you. In Ministry terms, The more appealing you can make Jesus look the more people will want to have a relationship with Jesus. If you tell someone they can only use one coupon per transaction they usually get mad at you and if they don't get mad they might ask if you can do two separate transactions. Ministry terms: If you tell someone Jesus is the only way to heaven they might get mad, however if you explain God's grace in the right way one can see that sometimes we can mess up and come back to Christ.

Good news all around

2009-10-08T19:41:00.002-05:00

I am having a great week. Maybe the best since I lost my job in July.

On Monday I signed on to the TExES teaching test site to find that my score for my Language Arts and Reading Grades 4-8 was finally posted. I freaked out I got 256 out of 300 and only needed 240 to pass!!! I then called the A+ Teaching program, where I am getting my Alternative Certificate, and got my acceptance letter into the program. I am now 100 % eligible to teach middle and junior high language arts. I have now applied in two school districts for three open positions.

Tuesday I went on an interview for a part-time weekend position at Bath and Body Works. I was one of the only people there dressed like I was going to an interview. I gave great answers to the group interview questions and I felt good about getting the job. Within an hour of my interview I got a phone call from my old co-worker Tammy that the manager had called her and asked for a reference! OK so now for the best part. I got a phone call yesterday that I have gotten the job and start THIS Sunday! I know that means missing one Sunday of church, but they promised not to schedule me until after 2 pm from now on.

Last night I meet with Karl Broom from Chapelwood UMC in Houston, Yes there are two chapelwoods in the same conference. We have been working on my resume and finished last night. It looks great and sounds even better. So for now my prayer is that with all the hard work we did that I will get a full time position as a teacher, councilor, or at a non-profit.

Bluegrass in Autumn

2009-10-03T22:32:00.004-05:00

Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina

As person who has always loved the seasons, all four of them, I have begun to realize how much I loved Autumn. I grew up for most of my life in the North East either in Danvers, MA or Horseheads, NY. These are two place where Autumn is huge. The trees become these majestic colors, the wind blows cooler, and you start feeling like the harvest is all around you. Everyone starts to pull out their winter clothing and you start to see people with long sleve shirts, sweetters, and coats. You may even get to see a little snow starting in October.

My family then moved to Apex, NC when I was 13. I still got some of the parts of Autumn I loved: trees changing colors, seeing people dressed more warmly, and the wind did blow a little cooler (just not a cool as in the North East). The harvest part was not really there though. Even in a small town and going to a church that had a harvest festival it was not the same. No one was supprized when I decided to go to the NC mountians for college. The colors on the trees were vibrent and majestic like those of the North East, the tempture and winds were cooler, people really did bring out their winter cloths, and the harvest was very special in Mars Hill. Western NC had come very special tradations of harvest festivals, hymn singings, and bluegrass festivals in Autimn. I came to love bluegrass while I was there. It reminded me that Fall really had come. The the leaves would change, the days would grow shorter and cooler, and that soon I would be celebrating Thanksgiving and the birth of Jesus Christ with my family and friends.

After college I made sure to make a trip to the mountains of NC or GA while I was at Candler. I made sure to do things that reminded me of the beauty of Autumn, like going to see Nickle Creek with Steven and Stacy. This year is different though. I have no colorful mountains to go to, the weather is still in the mid to high 80's, people are wearing summer cloths still, and it does not feel like harvest. So last night I pulled up bluegrass music, Allison Krause and Nickle Creek, and spent time just listening to what feels like Autumn to me. I just hope that through this Texas Autumn I will find ways to remember what comes next and what has always been the most important to me; Giving thanks with my friends and family and in a few months celebrating the birth of my lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

What has your heart??

2009-10-01T22:17:00.002-05:00

My friend and interim singles minister at Tallowood, Michelle, sent me and the other members of the singles minister this question last night. The strange thing was I had been thinking about this very questions that whole day.

What has my heart? Where is my heart guiding me? What makes my heart feel full and happy?

Over the past two weeks I have become involved in two job ministries in the Houston area. One is called Between Job Ministries (BJM) and is a network to help us find jobs and support while people are between jobs. The other is JET ministry. The JET ministry does have one support group that starts tomorrow, but I am using them for resume services and well just job counseling. This brings me to my question What has my heart?

In the last two months I have been applying to any and every job I even have the smallest qualifications for. It is only now that I am realizing that just any job will not lead to happiness in my life. I want to help others. My passion is counseling people through different parts of their lives. In order to be truly happy I know that I must be in a position where I am helping others. My heart is with people who are down on their luck, abused, trying to find themselves, and just people who need someone to listen.

Yesterday I had two meetings that helped me figure this out. One was a counseling session at BJM with Gail, an encourager. Gail and I talked over what was going on and where I could be happy with a job. We talked about teaching, ministry, counseling, and social work. He gave me a few numbers to call and try to make contacts. The second meeting was last night with Karl, from JET. Karl is helping me revamp my resume into a functional/chronological resume. The ones I have now is just chronological and kind of boring. It does not high light my gifts and talents. Karl and I spent two hours talking over where I want and need to go from here. Where is my heart at? was the big question of the night. Now I have figured out that my hear is in counseling people. This for me could be as a hospital chaplain, pastoral councilor, teacher, councilor, advocate at a non-profit, or a social worker.

Now I just have to convince someone that I do have the gifts I have and trust in God that person will give me a job or pass me on to someone who will.

Single Again

2009-09-28T12:35:00.002-05:00

So this weekend was a bunch of really had stuff. Friday I saw a post about Chapelwood's add for a new youth leader. I wanted to puck, laugh, and cry. It was not a very truthful add about the church and it made me quite sad.

Saturday I spent the day studying and then had a double date with my roommate Erin her fiance Matt and Skyler. After that Skyler and I took off to do a few things he needed to do and then planed on heading back to his place to watch a move. We did make it back to his place, but never watched the movie. We talked and he told me that he is not sure he can be with me because he is not over his ex. I got upset and cried. Then we just spent the night in each others arms. Yesterday we decided that right now he needs us to just be friends. So I am single again.

Sad and Happy times

2009-09-20T23:06:00.004-05:00

Over the past week I have been kind of going through some changes. I found out that I had hurt my ankle worse than I had thought. I thought sprained but it was torn ligament. NO FUN. I got to talk with my pastor about my past and what my spiritual life is like right now. The result of this was figuring out that I still need to work some on forgiving everything that has happened in the past few months.

Ok so here is the happy news. I had a long conversation with my friend Skyler on Friday night and we decided to date. We spent the weekend talking more and today I helped him move into a new apartment. I could not lift much because of my ankle, but we had a good time. In helping with the move I meet his best friends, dad, brother, and mom. It was an interesting day.

Another goodbye

2009-09-08T10:55:00.002-05:00

So my mom called today at 7:30am to tell me that Bear (Barrette) had died. She was in the shower and saw him walk out of her bed room, then heard a loud thump, and my grandfather yelled for her. She raced to get cloths on and my brother even broke the rules and ran out of his room to get to Bear (Dave has H1N1). They checked for a heart beat and there was none. Bear is now at NC State veterinary school for an autopsy.

The strange thing about all of this is I have know something bad was coming. Over the past week I have just not felt myself. This weekend I started having dreams where Bear would come and talk to me. He wanted me back in NC. Now I know why I had this dream.

Bear was almost 10 years old. He was the second litter of pupps my family ever had. I remember holding him when he was a new born and talking to him about how he was our little Barrette. Over the year he became so loving and strong. Being only truly happy when everyone was home, which was not often since I was in college and seminary. He was truly a very very special dog.

Back to the Beginning

2009-09-01T00:31:00.002-05:00

This past week has been full of new beginnings for me. I did not pass my teachers test by 15 points. So back to studying I go. However, I am not too upset. I talked to many of my teacher friends and they told me they did not pass the first time they took the test. I cannot retake the Social Studies test until November, so I am studying for Language Arts.

I took a big step these past two weeks. I decided after talking to my friend Thomas to go to a Baptist church here in Texas. I was convinced that I would dislike it, but I love it. The pastor is an amazing, intellectual, and spiritual person. He used Anne Lamont two weeks ago and this week used John Wesley as sermon illustrations. How odd is this???? I also have been doing things with the singles group and love being around the people at Tallowood. After thinking and praying about things I decided to ask the pastor about women and ordination. He had been informed of my situation by my new friend Michelle, a fellow seminary graduate, single woman, and head of prayer ministries. He straight out told me I will be the first woman ever ordained at Tallowood and he is looking forward to my joining.

Thus I am back to the beginning. I started my ministry in the SBC in NC and now I am thinking about going Baptist again. My problem is I still support lgbtq people and I am not sure how the church will feel about this. I am meeting with the pastor later this week to talk about my feelings.

Test Anxiety

2009-08-24T23:47:00.002-05:00

IT'S BACK!!!!!!!

I thought this part of my life was kind of sort of over. I have a major problem which is text anxiety. I have had it since I was little. Always get so geared up before, during, and sometimes even after tests. At Candler I got advice from my councilor that I should drink a glass of wine before every test I took. This cracked me up because I had a lot of 8am tests and exams. As I laughed at my councilor He told me it was ok to drink before noon. I took his advice and did better.

So now here I am finished with my MDiv, thought I was finished with standardised tests, and now I am back at it. Taking my TExES (Texas Teachers Exam) tomorrow for Social Studies grades 4-8. I have studied my butt off for the past month. So much so that I have been randomly stating facts about Texas, US History, and Economics in conversations. So you would think I would be totally ready and ok with this test. NO I have a horrible case of test anxiety and no wine to be found. So I am sitting in my new room, after trying to sleep for a hour, writing about testing and how much I hate it. All I can say is Lord help me get some sleep tonight and get through this test tomorrow.

Life of the unemployed

2009-08-19T21:10:00.003-05:00

As person who hates having nothing to do being unemployed is not a good thing for me. I have been spending most of my time searching any job search engine I can find for a job that I am experienced enough for. Came up with the idea that maybe I should go back to school, then decided not to. Decided to become a teacher, social studies grades 4-8, and am taking my TExES test next Tuesday for that. Have watched way too much TV and have spent many hours with two dogs, who are now very spoiled.

I have however done a few productive things. I moved to Houston. Love my new roommate Erin. I have started looking for a new church and denomination home. I have been to a different church and denomination for the past three weeks. I like Bethal UCC the best so far of all the churches (They sing communion !!!). I have discovered that I am at a place where God is trying to tell me something, but not sure what yet other than the fact that I need to be closer to God.

So where in all of this I became obsessed with the song "What do I Know of Holy"?

Unempolyment

2009-08-05T20:14:00.002-05:00

So Life just keeps getting more interesting. I ended my time at chapelwood last Thursday. Since then I have been having a good, but strange time.

Friday I took Laurel, the girl I sponsored on Chrysalis, to Phantom of the Opera. We had such a blast. I have seen the musical three times and Laurel saw it for the first time. It was so cool being with someone who had never seen it before. It was a good production, but they left out the roses. I was kind of sad.

Saturday I went to the Chrysalis reunion with Laurel and then to the boys Chrysalis. We had a blast. I got to serve the guys at the Agape Dinner. We sang to them and served their meal it was quite fun. I then spent half the night talking with Thomas. Such a good guy.

Sunday I went out and tried a new church. It was nice but no one was talked to me at service and only two people talked to me at Sunday school. The messages were good. I went out for Brunch with friends at Rainbow Lodge. Had an amazing lodge. Went to my Friend Nici's birthday dinner. Then got in a car accident with a pot hole. Yes a pot hole. I bruised by jaw and a rib. The car is ok but I had to pay $1600 to get it fixed.

Monday I slept and rested all day. Got my car from Houston and got my pain killers. Then I started the packing and have been packing ever since. Well that is in between the sleeping and trying not to hurt my back or rib again. I have also been looking for jobs while resting. I am seriously thinking about becoming a teacher since they have a program where I can teach for 2 years while I take the classes to get certified as a teacher.

God is stronger than I am

2009-08-01T00:17:00.004-05:00

For the past few weeks I have been holding some major pain, hurt, and scars in. These are things that I had thought I had given God, but I guess when everything started happening this month I picked them back up. Since I don't have a whole lot of friends down in Texas that are Christian that are around me enough to see what is going on with me I just kept being hurt and letting it get the best of me.

So last night I started talking to a person I met a couple months ago. Thomas has been a huge part of my life. We have a great time debating and talking about our faith. After many months of just talking online for some reason we decide to talk on the phone. As soon as we started talking things started coming out. He right away started asking me what was going on, why I seemed so guarded right now. He slowly started to get out of me the pain and hurt I have been feeling this month. As our conversation went on he pulled out his Bible and started reading me Scriptures about how God is my strength and I cannot be who God has called me to be without God's strength. We went through many different parts of the pain and hurt and prayed together that God would help me to submit and let God lead me and be my strength.

I was so amazed that everything had happened. I spent hours last night praying over giving into God and the plans that are laid out for me. Today I felt much lighter. I did not feel as much pain and hurt. I opened up my letters from my Walk to Emmaus and reminded myself how God really is my strength and my councilor. It was amazing to know I am not alone in all of this.

Last Sunday

2009-07-28T20:24:00.003-05:00

As I walked into Church this Sunday I was greated with "you know that they have bought these amazing cakes for you." I had two cakes one pink and one purple. I kind of laughed becasue I am so not a pink person but I loved it.

My time at Chapelwood is ending tomorrow and I cannot believe it. Above is my adopted mother and I being caught talking. I am going to miss Sally. But more than that I am going to miss my crazy girls (pictured Cat and I)

NC beaches and Houston townhomes

2009-07-21T21:37:00.002-05:00

This past week the head pastor, at the church where I am working until the end of the month, gave me some time off and told me to go home and talk things through with my family. I decided hay if I get a week off and I am going to NC I am going to the beach. So I went to NC on Wednesday.

My mom and I headed to the Writesville beach on Thursday. We had a blast just sitting on the beach and wading in the ocean. My father joined us Friday and the three of us went out for seafood, which I miss so much. Gulf Coast and East Coast seafood are very different. I like East Coast. I was just relaxing and not really focusing on everything that has happened over the past few weeks. I felt wonderful!

While I was at the beach I got a call from one of my Events and Adventures friends. She is a head hunter for a job agency. She called with an amazing job opportunity. Working as a Program Director of a community service that helps people find jobs. I sent her my resume, she sent it to the community service center and they responded within five minutes. My interview is tomorrow please pray.

So I am now back in Lake Jackson. The official email declaring that I am no longer going to working at Chapelwood was sent out to the youth. So I decided it is ok now to go look at the townhouse another person in E&A is renting a room out in. Erin and I meet tonight at her townhouse and had our little dogs meet as well. It was fun and cute and best of all we decided it would work out and I am moving in. To make things even better I called the apartment office before I went to meet her and there is a woman who wants my apartment, so I will not have to pay the rest of my lease!

Searching

2009-07-14T21:15:00.002-05:00

So I never realized how hard it is to find jobs that a person with a masters degree would qualify for. Yes I know I have an MDiv thus I qualify for like nothing. However, I have applied to around 15 jobs in the last three days. Since Saturday I have been searching monster and career builder to find jobs that I might qualify for. I have also been searching some hospital sites and then some ministry sites. Yes I know I am really only qualified to be like Christian Ed or Youth Minister right now, I have some clue of what denomination I am changing over to, and I am so not ordained yet. To put it down job hunting is hard. Luckily my dad is helping me put together a business resume to send along with my other resume when I fly back to NC tomorrow for a short trip. I know I cannot afford it right now, but I need to talk with my family about what my next steps are going to be.

Will I ever

2009-07-12T22:06:00.003-05:00

Tonight as I watched Army Wives I began to realize that I am going to miss ministry. As Sarah Elizabeth was dedicated I started remembering why I was called to the ministry in the first place. I was called to be someone, something good for others. Someone who would lead with love, beauty, integrity, and truth. With these attributes Sarah Elizabeth was dedicated. I began to wonder if I too could be dedicated to those things. If I could once again stand firm on my beliefs and find a way to fulfill my calling from God.

So Tonight I dedicate myself to be trying to be a better person. To be more truthful, loving, to have more integrity, to see all of God's creation as beautiful, and to hear God in all the sacredness of quiet times. This I will do whether or not I am practicing ministry.

And It is Done

2009-07-11T16:49:00.002-05:00

As of today I am no longer a candidate for ministry in the United Methodist Church. Where will I go from here? Maybe non-prophet and be something like a director, Changing denomination is a definite but ministry (unless the church ordains by call) maybe not, hospital chaplaincy residency is still available as a option for me, and maybe back to school to get a degree in social work or some other helping field.

Now turning to an idea from Sarah. What makes me smile? Having good friends who will go out to dinner with you, find good BBQ because they know you miss it, go bowling and dancing at the same time with you, buy your alcohol because you lost your job, and then let you sleep it off on their couch. I love my Events and Adventures friends. A Special thanks to Bich, Tenisha, Amit, Terri, Carrie, David, Steve, Jose, Christina, and Jan.

Lost Job

2009-07-05T21:24:00.002-05:00

This past Tuesday my head pastor came into my office on my request to talk about the college/high school worship service. As we talked I could tell he was very relieved that the Youth Programing Committee and I were taking action, but something seemed off. Wesley went on to tell me the SPRC and himself were looking at my job. They were 50/50 as to if they should keep me on or not. I was kind of surprised by this since I had just meet with the chair of SPRC and he said everything was going amazing. Wesley told me to start looking for another job. He said to make things easier on the youth and myself that we would make it look like I was moving on to better things. I asked why it was happening because I knew there had been a few issues, but bad enough not for this to happen. Wesley told me that the associate pastor and christian education person are asking the church to fire me. Also the church is $40,000 in debt for the year already. He did not want it to look bad on my ministry, so I needed to seek out other work.

The SPRC chair called me later in the week and said what Wesley told me was not true and they want me to stay on. The way I am seeing it is that the staff do not want me on. The SPRC wants me to stay. Most of the youth want me to stay. However, the big one is I don't think I want to stay. If I do I am afraid that I will not be given the chance to find a new job and will just be fired.

So I have started sending out application to hospitals in the Houston area. One has contacted my friend Annette, who is a chaplain at Duke, and said I will more than likely get on her staff for residency in August. Please pray for this situation and that I get a job or that things turn around at Chapelwood.

Happy 4th

2009-07-04T18:51:00.003-05:00

So today was a good day. I was able to get up early clean a bit, bake some cookies for a party, and be out the door by 11am. I was so very excited. My friend Sally had a 4th pool party and it was a blast. The pool was warm, yet cool, and the food was great. To make it better Chris was there and actually finally acknowledged our dating relationship in public! That has taken a month for him to do. Next up getting him to hold my hand or hug me. He is not a touchy feely person like me. Now I am home showered and off to dinner and fireworks with my SPRC chair and his family. Chris said he would drive down to see the fireworks with us, but we'll see if that happens.

Lets go, lets go. L.E.T.S.G.O.

2009-06-28T21:53:00.002-05:00

This week was VBS at chapelwood. We did the cokesubry curriculum of Camp Edge. It was a good camp other than the music being able to easily stay in your head for days. I am still breaking out in song. Ahhhhh. I had the kids that were going into first grade. I thought this would be great because I love young children around the ages of 5-7. However, I had three that had varying levels of mental handicaps, and three girls who would not stop crying and fussing. When did 6-7 year olds turn to become so spoiled and crazy.

The "Lets go" for my week did not stop there. This weekend was my first Faith In Action camp in Lake Jackson. Faith In Action is a cooperative of churches in the area that put on 4 mission/service camps a year. This was the second one, but I did not go to this first this year because of my Emmaus walk. So after VBS Friday I went home did a little bit of cleaning up, went to look at a new car, and then went to St. Timothy's Episcopal church for Faith In Action. We played games and got everyone ready for work the next day. Saturday I spent most of the day driving from work site to work site handing out ice pops, frozen grapes, frozen towels, and spraying youth and adults off with ice cold water. This was not fun for me because the guy riding around with me would not get out of my car and kept getting mad that I would take my keys with me when I got out of the car. He is this guy from my church who is 30 and autistic and has this huge crush on me. I used to think this was sweet, but it is kind of annoying after a while. Saturday night we had a fun night of more games, ice cream (that I cannot eat), and worship.

Today was church and Rock Climbing with my youth. I let myself sleep in and go to late service. However, I left late service within five mins. of getting there. A Worship service that was not supposed to be announced in church was and well things had not been changed or talked about yet. So here is the information and why I was mad about this. A college age guy at the church asked a few weeks ago if he could hold a worship service or Bible study for college age people. The staff at the church have been so excited about it. That is we were excited until last Monday. A church wide email went out from one of the members saying that it was for College age and High School students. This is bad because we have a Bible study at the same time and same day. Also since I got to Chapelwood a Youth Programing Committee (YPC) was put together to help the youth ministry at the church run better. Part of the committees job is to regulate what is taught to the youth and what type of theology. Also what is offered to the youth as a programs. The college age guy did not come to the YPC and did not even talk to the head pastor or myself about offering it to high school age youth. I went to the Pastor last week and asked him to talk to the college age guy about the service and get this fixed or at least get him to talk to the YPC about his plans before anything else was announced about the worship service. The pastor agreed to what I proposed to him, yet the service was announced just as it had been the past week without any discussion and talk to the YPC.

Luckly Rock Climbing was fun. I had a blast with the youth who went. One of my girls, Laurel, asked me to sponsor her on the Chrysilas walk in two weeks. I just hope I can help make this an amazing experiance for her.

UM ARMY and First Love

2009-06-22T17:46:00.002-05:00

This past week was amazing. We were up in a small east Texas twon called Wells. There are around 750 residents in the town and around 240 homes. This past week we worked on 20 of those homes!! It was amazing. Although I was not working on the sites because if programing and my allergic reaction to the sun, I am so proud of my youth. I got to know many of the non-active youth at Chapelwood aswell as some amazing adults. This week is one I will never forget.

The theme for UM ARMY was First Love. It focused on how God is really everyones first love in life. God gave us all love even before we asked for it becasue God loves us just that much. I was remineded many times of the Parable of the Good Sameritan. We were looking out into this community and helping those that many people had passed over in the past. The people we did work for were some of those who had given up on faith or were not included in many of the community events. It was amazing to hear the testamonies of the clients on cliant night. They really were in need of our help. I also found help this week. I have been having a hard time at Chapelwood and finding my place. I talked with this amazing pastor, who is on the BOM for Texas Conference. He was very supportive and gave me some amazing advice.

graduation, partys, and U.M. A.R.M.Y. planning

2009-06-09T20:44:00.003-05:00

Oh my how busy this time of year is. I think that I must always take a vacation in May since I will be going through crazy summers.

Last week I had graduation for my high school seniors. It was outside in around 85% heat at 7:30pm. I ended up hanging out with Tyler, one of my youths boyfriends. We were cheering and running from one side of the field to another to see people graduate. I left early so that I could get out of the parking lot. Let me just say my car was parked at a 65% angle and it was crazy. I was so afraid it would roll down the hill even after I put the parking break on.

Then there was the parties. I have been going to graduation parties since I got back from my graduation. I have had a blast at all of them, but I have to say the cake at the last one was too cute. They made a three tiered book cake and the bottom book said Party and Boys. The top two were better with History and Science. I laughed so hard. There was crazy dancing and music. I was welcomed to Texas country dancing and learned to two-step. It was so funny to be two-stepping with my youth. There was also Bich's birthday party this weekend. It was fun and the band was not too bad. I hated having to leave so early because of work on Sunday, but that is the life of a minister.

Now for U.M. A.R.M.Y. planning. I think I am going to go crazy. I have so much to do and so little time. I have been ordering, printing, emailing, and calling people all day long, even on my day off. I just hope that all this work makes this mission trip amazing for the youth involved.

Mental Health Days

2009-05-29T14:20:00.002-05:00

During my time at Candler I came up with the idea that one day a semester I would allow myself to take off a day from class. This for me came because I was stress, tired, and just worn out. On these days I let myself sleep in and always did something just for me. Since I was not of those people who got divinity school paid for by scholarship or funds from the church this usually meant watching a movie I owned and taking a bubble bath.

Now that I am in my ministry position I have found that the stress is not all gone. I sometimes and just plain worn out and tired. Yesterday I went to work on my day off because I have been at annual conference all week. I ended up leaving less than four hours after I got to work because I just could not take it anymore. I got a bad look and lecture about something that I thought I was doing right. Haha I guess not. Needless to say phone calls were made while I was at conference about me to one of the other staff and she feels it is her job to not tell them to call me and talk about it, but instead to verbal attack me when I get back from conference. I left work, walked fast to my car and called my mom to cry (I never do that by the way). I told her everything and just asked for prayer.

I have realized that sometime even in ministry I need a mental health day. During those times when I am tired, worn out, and frustrated it is best for me to take a day off and just rest. I let myself sleep in late and am going to watch a movie. I made chicken lasagna with lots of vegetables and salad for lunch and dinner later today. Now I just need to get my mind in the right frame to finish this weekend and keep on going in my ministry with my church.

Prayer for Prayer

2009-05-23T23:12:00.002-05:00

This week has been so crazy for me. I have been trying to recover from my vacation to visit my family, which needs a lot of recovery, and getting ready for Annual Conference starting tomorrow. I am going to conference as a district delegate. Since conference takes most of my work week this means I have been trying to get everything for this week and next week together. I know I am nuts!!

Now for the prayer part. If things could not get more hectic in my life time week I got a call Monday afternoon from my DS asking me to be one of the people in my district to say a prayer in front of everyone at a conference session or worship service. Me being who I am, and not knowing the word NO, said YES!!! I know Dr Wodleton asked me because he is trying to get me through my candidacy process faster and thinks the more I am seen the better it will be since I do have a few things on my file that are not flattering. Well I was told I would know by Wednesday/Thursday at the latest. Hahaha. I called Wednesday to find out what was going on and now I am having to wait until I get to conference to find out when I pray. This would be all good, but I am showing up a day late! Annual conference starts tomorrow afternoon with sign in and service of remembrance. During this time I will be leading youth group and driving to conference. I have decided to write a generic prayer, and add in when I find out what I am praying over. Please pray this works and pray that I will get a slot on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Graduation Relizations

2009-05-17T22:39:00.002-05:00

So I have been visiting family for the past week in Atlanta and Raleigh. First the start with my graduation then off to my parents place. I loved my visit with my family, but I missed my freedom.

Now for the realizations. As I began to sit and think about my life now I began to see how different I am. As I sat and looked out at the other graduates of Candler I started to realize how changed I am. My Candler peers are all just starting their lives and careers. I have already started by life outside Candler. I have moved on. People began asking questions about my life, where I had been the past four months, and what had changed in me.

I am happier, healthier, and more connected than I ever was in my time at Candler. I have new friends, a new life, and a new outlook. Yes there is drama at the church, but I am handling it better. Yes there are time when I miss my family and friends, but I have realized they are only a phone call away. I also realize that I have new friend who I love to death. I know that I am blessed and hope that this knowledge stays with me during the hard times.

Ready for Atlanta

2009-05-07T14:32:00.002-05:00

I am so ready to get going and head out for Atlanta on Saturday. Getting to see family and friends just has me on the edge. I want it to be Saturday now or even Monday. I am so distracted because of my excitement. Even though today is my day off I cannot get my mind off the trip east.

So I had to post this picture. It was taken at Cinco De Mayo dinner with friends. The dish I am holding was called Rachel's Spicy Tacos. We had a blast at this little Mexican place. Then we went to a place called the Chocolate Bar. No alcohol involved, but there was a lot of Chocolate. I had a piece of mint chocolate cheesecake. It almost matched how good a piece of cheesecake is at the Cheesecake Factory.

What am I like 3

2009-04-27T16:11:00.002-05:00

So I am stuck in my apartment for the next few days. I am contagious with a double ear infection and a throat infection (not strep though). I had to go sit in urgent care because my doctor is on vacation, how wrong is that. The nurse practitioner said she never sees infections like this in adults and usually not in children above the preschool age. Then she asks where I work and if I am around children. Hahaha. The church I work at has a preschool and she told me I must have the lowest immune system like ever. I did not think this was funny. Now I am on two antibiotics (one mouth, one ear drops). I am so frustrated. Then I was told not to go to work until Friday because I am so contagious. Which is just about impossible for me since I have coronation dinner for my princess/queen class tomorrow night, Wednesday nigh Bible Study, and a youth having surgery tomorrow. I am going to go nuts!!!!

Parent Visit

2009-04-19T21:22:00.002-05:00

This weekend has been wonderful. I got the chance on Thursday night to go to the Radio Music Theater. It was amazing and funny. The show playing was called Grandpa has not moved in 5 days. The scene with the pastor was my favorite. The guy playing the pastor spoke so fast and crazy that you could not understand a word he said. I had to wonder if that is what my youth group hears sometime when I talk.

On Friday night a band (A Dying Bread) that has two of my youth in it played at Hot Topic in the mall. They are a Christian metal band. They were amazing. The music had such a great message and they even took time to talk about how they are Christian. It amazed me how many of the people listening to the band were high. They were just totally stoned, yet the band still made an impact. The raised $115 for a local girl who was in a bad skiing accident over spring break. After the concert they asked me to join them at Chili's for dinner. I had already eaten, but I went and hung out with them.

Saturday was my reunion with my Emmaus walk. It was so good to see those women again. When I got home my parents were waiting for me. They flew in from NC for the weekend. We went to my favorite restaurant The Local for lunch. Then headed to the apartment for an hour or two before heading to our first Astros game. It was Methodist night and my Bishop was sitting three rows in front of me. I was so excited. She is an amazing women. The Astros won 7-0.

Today my parents and I had a late Easter dinner. We had a good time talking and just hanging out. I took them to the beach after lunch. Tonight they came with me to youth group and we had a question and answer night. It was so funny. The youth were asking nice questions and I was trying to get them to ask some interesting ones. However, I think we all had a good time.

Easter Weekend as a Youth Leader

2009-04-13T00:04:00.004-05:00

On Thursday I joined a group called Events and Adventures. It is a Singles group that goes to sporting events, dinners, camping trips, vacations, and many other things together. This is going to be a huge outlet for me since none of the churches in my area have a singles group or younger aged adults. Friday was my first events. First was a meet and greet with other new members, then a bunch of us headed out for Bowl 300. It was so much fun and amazing. This place has huge screen TV's on which we watched sports and music videos. It is also totally non-smoking!!! I am so going to take my youth there. The picture above is of me the people I hung out with.

So now for the church related things. I am realizing how much I really am missing being in the type of ministry positions I was able to have at Candler. The time cannot go by quick enough for me until I am a licensed local pastor at least.

Thursday was wonderful. Our service was beautiful and exciting (for me). This was the first time since I have been serving as Youth Leader that I have been allowed to even serve communion. Communion has always been a special celebration for me. I enjoy being able to serve others in the way that Christ last served his disciples.

Good Friday was a working day for me for the first time. I was not expected to be at service, but I had to be in the office and answer the phones. Thus I went out with the Events and Adventures group.

Saturday was interesting as the youth sell Easter Lilies as a mission trip fund raiser. Only three out of about 50 youth that are signed up to go showed up. This really bothers me, but I have been told that is more youth than have shown up in the past few years. As we waited we made Luminaries to put out for Sunrise Service. We had a good time getting everything ready.

Easter started for me today at 1:45 AM as I got up and headed off to the church for the prayer vigil that lasted from Friday night -Easter Sunrise Service. I spent much of my hour in prayer and thinking about how beautiful life is. I wondered if the smell of the lilies was anywhere close to the smell of the incense that Mary took with her to the grave. When I got home this annoying dog barked until 5:00AM and then I had to be up and moving to get ready for Sunrise Service. I knew I had to show up early since there was reports of thunder storms and we needed to decide if we were having the service at the creek or in the sanctuary. It ended up being in the sanctuary :(. I volunteered a few weeks ago to sing a solo at the Sunrise Service for Pastor Bonnie. I sang In The Garden/None Like You. Everyone was in total shock when I was singing. It was commented that I have a voice like an angel. This cracked me up a bit since I have been at this church for over three months and no one has really heard me sing before. At the same time I was sad. A solo in one service was the only part I had in any Easter Service. I don't help plan worship, and I miss it so much. Thus the reason why I cannot wait to be a licensed local pastor.

Honeymoon is Over

2009-04-08T17:21:00.002-05:00

So in life I find that many things have a honeymoon period. Jobs being one of them. Yes at first we may love them. everything is happy, simple, and you feel like this is the best thing in the world to ever happen to you. Up until this week I have felt this way about my job. Yes I have had some struggles with things so far, but they have passed. However, now I am so overwhelmed with a bad situation that I know the honeymoon is over. I know the problem is not my fault it was there before I came to the church. Everyone at some point in their youth goes through a rough patch of time and well teens can be horrible to each other. I knew that youth ministry was hard, but I love youth. I had been a youth minister for a year before and never encountered these problems. Yet here I am miles, hours, and flights away from any of my friends and family when I really just need to be around them. Yeah Yeah I know kind of depressing, but the past few days have just sucked the life out of me. I also know that God is going to get me and the youth through this. I know God sent me here for a reason and well maybe helping these youth and their parents get over themselves is it.

Emmaus, Youth Retreat, and Confirmation

2009-04-05T22:51:00.003-05:00

I have been so very busy that I have not taken time to journal my thoughts here on my blog in a while.

Last weekend I went on my Walk to Emmaus. As I was going on the walk not only for myself, but also for the youth at my church (I have been asked to work a Chrysalus this summer) everything felt a bit strange. I am just hitting my three month mark here in Texas. Have been taking life at full stride and have been on a planing mission since I came to Lake Jackson. So taking a weekend off to myself felt strange. I know as a ministry I need to take time to make sure my walk with God is going well, but I just did not know if I really needed it. Luckily I had the best sponsor ever, Margaret. Margaret and Her husband Oren drove me two hours to the camp. We had a wonderful dinner at a Mexican restaurant and saw two rainbows. I could not have asked for a better arrival. Yet, I was still scared when I realized they were leaving me with a group of women I did not know.

The Pictures above are what I came home to after Emmaus. My apartment was decorated by my youth and the office was decorated as well. The office windows had shaving cream on them and writing about 4th day.

As the weekend went on I found that I was doing my walk more for me than the youth. I needed that time to take a look a who I am becoming. I realized things like I am worrying too much, planing too much, and not taking care of myself enough. Yes the planing part is a good thing, but I need to take my days off just for me. I also found that having a weekend free of planing was amazing. I could hardly remember what having a weekend free felt like. By the end of the weekend I was devoted to making sure I am taking care of my own spiritual life.

Ok so high lights of the Walk to Emmaus. Seeing two dolphins in the water outside the camp close up, the dinner with Jesus, the candle light, no cell phones, and lastly meeting another woman my age who live the next town over.

So now that I had a great weekend I had to recover from because I was so tired the Spring youth retreat (7th-9th grade) had to come. Yes two weekends in a row of retreats. I know I am nuts. We went to Camp Cho Yeh. It is this amazing Presbyterian Camp about two hours north of Lake Jackson. We did low ropes, high ropes, and paintball yesterday. Yes I played paintball and now have a sprained wrist to prove it. Hahaha. One of my youth shot my wrist right after I surrendered. I was really mad and yes it was the same wrist that I broke in October. We did so much team building and even the youth agreed that they are in a different place now. Last night we had a huge camp fire with smores and all. Sadly the weekend had to end early because the youth and I had to be back for confirmation.

The church I am working at has an amazing program called hidden angels. This person is a youth who sees the confirmand through confirmation and, thanks to me, through the first year of youth group. The youth started by buying small gifts and making crosses for the cross wall for the confirmation class. Today they stood up with the class and got to lay their hands of them when they were confirmed. This was awesome for them. It was a spiritual time.

OK now for my part in confirmation. I knew I had to fill in for any of the girl's whose mentors could not show up. However, they all did show. The confirmation class decided to ask the head pastor Wesley if I could be up at the kneeling station and lay hands on them all as they were confirmed. He agreed that this would be good. So I got to hand them inscribed rocks with the Methodist cross and flame and their name. I got to do this only after I laied hands on them and blessed them as they enter into the church. The act of blessing the confirmands was very spiritual for me. It reminded me of what all God has in store for me in the, hopefully near, future.

Finally I have accepted a position as district delegate to Annual Conference. My DS wants me to be known in the conference as I begin to work through the candidacy process again. I could not agree with him more. He has been such a help to me since moving into the Texas Conference.

Unsettled

2009-03-19T00:31:00.002-05:00

For many reasons my mind is very unsettled tonight. I have been doing so much planing, working, and finding of things that right now things are just unsettled in my life. I feel more grounded and happier with my life than I have in a long time, but I have a longing a need for something/someone.

In my life I have had many good even great friends. However, lately I have been feeling the need compare every guy I meet to my best guy friend. I look at how they treat me, how they act, treat other, and well just their ambitions in life. In the end I am realizing that no one can measure up to this friend.

It also does not help I am realizing how much I love my friend. What is strange is that I am afraid to love him. Yes I know I am totally breaking the friend rule by letting myself fall in love with him. However, I think I have been in love with him for almost 3 years. Seeing as for the past 3 years I have been battling my self-image this is not a strange concept. I have always said he deserves the best, and well I am no perfect person. I have many faults and done many things in my life that I have been ashamed of. In some way I think I have decided that I am/was not good enough for him. My life has changed since I meet him. I am a better, healthier, more grounded person. Maybe I could be good enough now.

All this to say he and I are talked me and I am confused. Recently he started signing his letter Love. Instead of some other form of ending. I guess what I am asking myself is do I open up? Do I let myself begin to love again in a way that I have not loved in a long time? Is getting hurt worth the risk and worry I will go through?

This Ones for The Girls

2009-03-14T21:45:00.002-05:00

I am so loving my youth girls. We have been having a blast doing a study called Be A Queen... Not a Princess... the crown is bigger! Over the past two weeks there have been a lot of times that opening up has happened. It seems that this small group process is making all of us see the best in each other. Although we are only 4 session in we have been doing the study for a month and a half, had to skip times for band concerts and Mardi Graz.

Last Friday night we got together and watched One Night with The King, talked about how awesome strong women are, and about guys. We had crazy amounts of sugar, pop, and laughs.

This week we talked about rule and laws that set boundaries for us. It was fun to hear about rules and laws the girls thought were good and bad. I have to say things are so different from even 10 years ago when I was 16. Ahhh!!

So I have only a few more weeks before the study is over. It makes me sad, but at the same time I am looking forward to keeping these relationship up and starting the study for the guys. I cannot wait to hear their thoughts and feelings about life as men of God.

No longer my problem

2009-03-10T14:15:00.002-05:00

As a youth minister I have figured out that I get blamed for things I have no control over. Hahah. This Sunday was the beginning of a new time in my youth ministry. I have been waiting for two months for the Youth Program Committee to come together and this past Sunday was the retreat to kick things off. Yes on a Sunday. I have no clue what anyone was thinking when they planed it. However, I feel I have a great group of people working with me now. The best part is I no longer have two hour meetings every Monday night!! OK so more about the retreat. We went to this beautiful B&B on the river. It was so beautiful. I am thinking about renting it out for the girls retreat this summer. The back porch lover looks the river and there is a beautiful gazebo and swing. The day before there was a wedding so there were still flowers and petals everywhere. The youth and I had a blast on the swing. the food was amazing and everyone seemed to enjoy the day. By the end of the retreat everyone had decided that I was not to take blame for things going on. So it is no longer my problem! I cannot wait to see how long that will last.

So after the retreat was over we drove back home around 3 pm. I got home around 4pm and had to be at the church at 5pm. I know crazy but they did not want me to cancel Youth for the night. I felt so tired and was glad that one of the moms suggested it be a movie night, since four of the youth and I had been at the retreat all day.

Goodbye Lynn

2009-03-03T20:35:00.003-06:00

Today My parents called from North Carolina to tell me Lynn was not doing well. She still was not acting like herself and they thought she was suffering. I am writing this post as a way to say goodbye.

My Sweet Lynn,

I cannot say how sorry I am I was not able to be with you today. To hold you and make sure you made it safely to the rainbow bridge. I cannot stop thinking about the day I saw you at the Pet Smart in Atlanta and heard your story. How all at once I knew that you belonged with me and how your foster mom knew it as well. The two years since that day have been nothing by happy when you were by my side. The way we found an understanding of one another was wonderful. I got to watch you turn from a skinny sick dog into a beautiful healthy one. The love and trust we had for each other grew each and everyday. I know you had a hard life, but I am glad that I was able to give you two good and wonderful loving years. The smile that was captured in this photo of you, only shows how truly happy your life was once we were together. My little dog, My girl, I am going to miss you and I will always love you. I know someday we will see each other again as I walk across that rainbow bridge and you come running through the fields to jump into my arms. I love you so much Lynn.

Retreat, Lynn, and Life

2009-03-02T16:16:00.002-06:00

I don't think this weekend could have been any nicer and yet it was very sad for me. I finally got to really do something spiritually for myself. I decided to go on the UMW retreat this past weekend and did not have to work at it. I loved just being with the other women singing, praying, talking, and playing games. The speaker was not very good, but everything else was wonderful. I had a roommate that liked to talk a lot (she keep me up till 3 am the first night). The last morning of the retreat my friend and co-worker Rhonda looked at me and said she did not think she had seen me look like this since I moved to Lake Jackson. I was completely relaxed and comfortable. I have not had a lot of chances to really breath since moving and well it felt good to know everything was in God's hands this weekend.

However, the weekend was also hard for me. Two years ago I decided to adopt a dog from a rescue group to be a friend for my dog Morgen. Lynn has been a light in my life ever since I laid my eyes on that sweet mutt dog. She was a dog that was brought from NOLA after Katrina. They had gotten her a home fast and had not realized she never got spade. Ha ha she came back with 8 puppies a year later. I adopted her before she could get put to sleep. We had almost two beautiful years together before I had to move to Texas, and she could not come because they thought she had cancer. On Thursday Lynn got sick. Really sick. They did some tests and one of her kidneys has failed and the other is failing. She also has multiple tumors (they think they are cancer). As the weekend went on she got sicker, and they don't think she has much longer. I feel like I have abandoned my child in her time of need.

Other than these things life is going well. I am working hard, and trying my best. I finally found a place for a Spring Camp for the Youth. I also am working on finding more time in my day for me. As for lent, I have given up fast food and having soda in my house. I cannot wait to see how this lent thing turns out this year.

Clean Hands

2009-02-25T19:16:00.002-06:00

For the first Ash Wednesday in the three years I have clean hands, with no ash stains. This has made me very sad. I enjoy the special days of the liturgical year and getting to celebrate them as a minister. Yes I am still a minister this year, but it is no longer part of my job to be a part of these wonderful celebrations of the Christian faith. I get to sit in the pew and be a part of the congregation. Some people might see this as a relief, but I find it makes me sad. I want to serve communion, smudge ashes on peoples heads, baptise children, bless the sick and people going on missions, and celebrate the many other Christian year moments.

Just Kidding

2009-02-22T21:50:00.002-06:00

So dating is not going to happen for me. I thought I was ready, but realized on my date Saturday that until I stop comparing guys with one of my best friends (John) that I am not going to be ready. Yeah this is a strange realization, but when you have one of the best guys ever as a good friend it is hard to settle for less. I know that things with John and I at one point could have worked out, but now we are living over 20 hours drive from one another and will probably only get to see each other if we are lucky one time a year. Maybe someday we will end up being closer again, but for now I am just going to continue enjoying being single,